(Illustration by Eric Shansby)
Columnist

Today, we return to “pokes,” jokes retold as poems.

The Magic Glute

A man who was a little dumb

And literal of mind

Has started going gluten-free

As a gift to his behind!

I asked him why, and he explained:

He wants to starve his glutes.

His butt feels like it’s just too big

When sitting (and with toots).

“Gluten doesn’t work that way,”

I told him, man to man.

But he just smiled at me and said

“I’ve got a bigger plan.”

“I’ve other body parts to fix,

Through how I dine and drink —

I’m eating lots of wieners now,”

And he gave a lusty wink.

The Photon and the Innkeeper

Into an inn walked a photon.

“Did you bring luggage tonight?”

“Only the clothes that I’ve got on ...

As you see, I am traveling light.”

Teenage Water Molecule Overheard by Her Father on the Phone With Her Bestie, the Aluminum Atom

“Magnesium and oxygen?”

He heard her squeal with glee:

“When I found out they were dating

I thought, like, OMg!!!!!”

A Morel Dilemma

To a funny farmer friend I pleaded

“Just how big a plot is needed

For a crop of fungus plants

So to thrive they’ll have a chance?”

He nodded at me gravely, then

He calculated with a pen.

“To get the best results, my pet

You want as mushroom as you can get.”

The Red Parrot

In Soviet Russia, thieves stole a pet bird

The owner went right to the KGB.

“You want the police, not us,” they demurred

“Cops handle that sort of stuff ... not we.”

“I know,” said the peasant, “but before I go:

The bird is a parrot. He’s a talker, you see —

In case he turns up I want you all to know

On matters of politics, we disagree.”

Note: The original joke from which “The Magic Glute” was adapted was written by reader Charles Smith.

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