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Ask Amy: Facebook match brings out the crazy

DEAR AMY: A week ago I got “matched” with a guy over Facebook (through a friend). I was told that I’m his type, and he’s definitely mine. We are both 19.

We have messaged each other over Facebook almost every day for a week. He only messages me once a day, and it’s usually only a few lines, so our conversation hasn’t expanded as quickly as I want it to.

In desperation I asked him for his phone number. He ignored the question but later on I gave him my number. He then replied, saying he didn’t want to swap numbers until he knew me better, but if we don’t talk, how can this happen?

A day later we had a longer exchange, which was nice, but nothing has gone further than that boring stuff like, “What do you do for work?”

I feel we have a connection, but it’s not shining through enough (or at least not fast enough) for him to keep an interest in me. Sometimes I feel like I initiate everything.

I don’t know what to do at this point. It got a tiny bit flirty today, but it needs to do better.

I don’t want to freak him out, but when is the best time to ask to meet him? Do you think I’m overreacting? Do I need to make a different move to get things going? -- Eager

DEAR EAGER: My major recommendation is for you to shove a little of your “cray cray” back in the bottle.

You are coming on way too strong. This guy is being honest with you, and you are responding by pouring on more pressure. Not smart.

He doesn’t want to talk by phone, and you are now thinking about how to manipulate him into meeting you? Yikes.

You need to follow his lead and step away from Facebook long enough for him to wonder where you are.

Stop. Relax. Stop pushing. This is an opportunity to reflect on your own behavior. Read “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (Gallery, 2009), or watch the movie of the same name).

DEAR AMY: I’m responding to the letter from “Female Football Fan,” about the “pond scum” who was part of their tailgating group. As a psychotherapist, I have learned that one of the signs of a man’s true maturity is that he has learned to “tame his ‘junk,’” to put it somewhat indelicately.

From the fact that this fellow sent an e-mail to his tailgating friends regarding his testosterone and his marital unfaithfulness, I would say that he doesn’t rate even a passable score on the maturity scale. His wife should be happy to be rid of a husband with the psychological age of 15. (Please forgive me, all teen males who may be reading this.)

I hope that she is able to realize his problem is no reflection on her. -- Shaking My Head in LA

DEAR SHAKING MY HEAD: This man was definitely acting out. Perhaps his elevated testosterone level caused him to strut about his reprehensible behavior in such an obnoxious way. And don’t you wonder how this tailgating trauma turned out? Well, read on.

DEAR AMY: You recently published my letter in your column. I am “Female Football Fan,” who wondered how to deal with a guy tailgating with our group. (He sent out a group e-mail announcing that he had been unfaithful to his wife for years because of his “high testosterone” and that he was divorcing her.)

We had our first tailgate last Saturday, and it turns out that Mr. Testosterone has been uninvited by his friend who brought him into the group in the first place.

I wasn’t the only one offended by the “too much information” e-mail.

Our picnic tables will therefore be free of pond scum. But if I do cross paths with “Mr. T” in the stadium, I’ll ask to be removed from his e-mail list. -- Football Fan

DEAR FAN: Your letter about Mr. Testosterone generated a lively response, and I’m delighted to hear back from you and to learn that this matter was settled so appropriately.

Amy’s column appears seven days a week at www.washingtonpost.com/advice. Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

by the Chicago Tribune

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