My family very generously invited him to come live with us rent-free until we were married, thinking that it would be easier for him to save for the wedding. He quickly accepted the offer, but instead of putting the extra money toward the wedding we're planning, he decided to buy a new car.
My fiance is often home washing his new car, taking a nap or playing video games while my parents are doing the work around the house. He never offers to help, and if I ask him to do a simple task such as walk their dog for them, he rolls his eyes and tries very hard to get out of it. I want him to choose to make the effort. Am I wrong to expect him to help out in exchange for a year of free living?
Fed-Up Fiancee: You aren’t wrong to expect a fiance to help out around the house, but it seems to me you are wrong to expect YOUR fiance to help. Why? Because — at least in your telling — he sounds like a child.
Children need to be asked, reminded and sometimes scolded into doing what they’re supposed to do — and roll their eyes in retaliation. Keep in mind that you are not his mommy. Are you sure you want to marry this guy?
Realize that the behavior you are only barely tolerating now will intensify with time. If your fiance becomes your husband, you will be married to someone who is rested and entertained, and who takes care of his toys while he neglects everything else (including you). You will do everything he doesn’t want to do, and it sounds as if he doesn’t want to do much.
Dear Amy: My daughter is getting married next spring. We recently had an appointment to pick out dresses. I tried on and purchased a lovely dress in navy blue.
I showed my daughter and her future mother-in-law the dress, and they both approved.
By the time we left the store, the future mother-in-law purchased the same dress — in black!
Now I think I need to get a different dress!
I know I shouldn't have to, but wouldn't this look strange to all our guests, or would no one care but me?
Frustrated: I agree that there is no reason for the mothers of the marrying couple to wear matching uniforms. This pickle also sounds like the plot for a dispiriting episode of “Say Yes to the Dress.”
In your case, you can and should say no to the dress.
I don’t think your other guests would necessarily care about your matching dresses, but you do.
So return your dress, and get yourself a different one.
Your future in-law either could be flattering your style through imitation or she could be a dress poacher. Don’t discuss this with her.
Dear Amy: My sister-in-law is getting married next month on the East Coast. We can no longer afford to make the trip without putting ourselves in financial jeopardy.
The bride has let us know that she expects us to contribute heavily to their honeymoon registry because we will not be at the wedding.
I was raised with the idea that you had a year to give a bride and groom a wedding gift. But this honeymoon is the only thing they are registered for.
I feel stuck and held hostage. How can I gracefully avoid my ill feelings?
West Coaster: Many honeymoon registries have relatively low-cost elements. However, you are not obligated to give this couple a gift, certainly if you are not attending the wedding (although as immediate family members, you no doubt want to help this couple celebrate).
Your sister-in-law’s demand is rude. Your husband could handle this best by speaking with her. If she sees her dream wedding and honeymoon start to wither away because of the economy, she should scale back her own plans.
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