DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been married for 39 years. We have two grown children. The problem is this. My wife’s friends make it uncomfortable for me when I am invited to an event with her. I am fed up with these friends and refuse to be around them any longer. My wife wants me to suck it up. This always ends in an argument.
We were invited to the cabin these women share for a weekend. Upon arrival, the friend had the nerve to tell me I couldn’t play golf with my wife despite them having only a threesome (I would have been the fourth).
My wife and I were invited to the cabin a second time. We were told that when we arrived after a four-hour trip that my wife was invited to lunch with her friends. I was not invited. This one female friend purposely attacked me verbally to engage in a screaming match. I won the first bout with a direct scream in her face. It felt great.
Please give me your insight about dealing with these surly wenches. -- Furious
DEAR FURIOUS: What is missing from this narrative is your wife’s perspective. I imagine it might be quite different from yours.
But given what you report, the only way for you to deal with these surly wenches is not to deal with them at all. This situation is volatile and not safe for any of you.
I’m not sure why you would insist on going with your wife to visit the home of people you seem to despise. You obviously have no intention — or the ability — to “suck it up.”
If screaming in someone’s face feels good to you, then that is further evidence that you should not be anywhere near that person. Seriously, if you don’t simmer down, the police are going to get involved.
If your wife enjoys these friendships, she should do so on her own.
DEAR AMY: I am a single female in my 50s. I’m interested in dating and settling down.
The problem is that the men who have shown interest in me recently have inundated me right out of the starting gate with needy text messaging, out-of-control IMing, plus FaceTime calls (as well as regular calls).
The latest guy started texting me all day during work hours and was asking me what time I get off work, presumably so that he could know when I’d be available to receive his phone calls and texts at home.
It strikes me as unprofessional that this man would be texting me all day during his work hours. I find this disruptive when I’m at work. I don’t enjoy it at home, either.
Is this just something that I have to endure, or is there some way for me to politely set boundaries and get these guys to cool it without them being offended?
The last time I tried saying something politely to one of these guys, he completely stopped contacting me. I didn’t want that. What do I do? -- Textually Frustrated
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Excessive contact can feel intrusive (and worse) when you don’t want it. Don’t pass judgment on someone else’s commitment to his work if he chooses to send text messages to you during the workday. All you need to do is pay attention to your own comfort level.
You should tackle this the minute you feel it starting. Reply to a text, saying: “I’m not into frequent texting, but if you want to set up a time to get together (in person), let me know.”
Don’t answer calls (FaceTime or “regular”) if you don’t want to talk. The guy who reads you the best in this context is the guy you will want to see.
DEAR AMY: I was insulted by the letter from “Concerned Daughter,” about her widowed father’s sexual adventures.
As a 68-year-old widower myself, I think you need to give the poor guy a break and try walking a mile in his shoes. It appears to me that the daughter won’t be happy unless her dad is sitting in a rocking chair, parked in an old folks’ home. -- Not Dead Yet
DEAR NOT DEAD: I’ve heard from many older people who did not agree with this daughter’s judgment on her father’s sexual life.