DEAR AMY: My husband is active-duty military. We move quite often. There is a Facebook page dedicated to the military spouse community in most locations. They are great resources for newcomers with numerous questions.
Upon introducing myself to a new group online, I’ll typically receive several friend requests from group members. I am not at all comfortable adding virtual strangers to a Web page that I reserve for close friends and family to keep up with my doings across the country.
I have gained a few wonderful friends from these adds, but I have also ended up deleting and therefore causing bad feelings in what can be a very small community, because I’ll eventually see how some of these women “act” via Internet and then realize that we have very little in common.
With acquaintances that I am not on Web pages with, I say that I rarely use Facebook and give them my e-mail until I get to know them better. Since these women can see that I’m participating in the Facebook group, I can’t use that excuse.
A tactful way of dodging these requests would be much appreciated. -- Military Wife
DEAR WIFE: Simply tell the truth: “I only use my personal Facebook page for very long-term friends and family members, but I am enjoying communicating on the group page. It would be better for me to exchange e-mail addresses — if that works for you.”
DEAR AMY: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 years. I love him dearly, but a few months ago I started an affair with one of my co-workers.
It started out as harmless flirting and kissing, but then it went further. We were sexually intimate twice. My co-worker is also in a relationship. He recently moved away (family matters), and now I can’t stop thinking about him.
When we started our affair, it was only for fun. We both agreed to this. But now I feel something more.
I love my boyfriend, but I’m tired of the way things are going — no marriage, he’s not working and I don’t want to go through this for one more year. I’ve told my boyfriend how I feel numerous times. He swears he’s going to change, but I don’t see any improvement.
Should I tell my “buddy” how I feel or just leave well enough alone? What should I do about my boyfriend? -- Love or Lust
DEAR L OR L: My advice to you really doesn’t have much to do with the two dead-end relationships you are considering.
After 10 years of stasis, your boyfriend will probably not change — not enough, anyway.
You can say whatever you want to your affair partner (I suggest being honest), but he will not leave his other relationship and move back to be with you.
Your efforts should be directed toward your own personal development. Your choice to deal with your frustration by having an affair is a common and very cowardly way to behave. To change your future, you are going to have to be more engaged in improving your own life without these men in it.
DEAR AMY: I’m responding to the letter from “Worried Wife”: The wife was sitting next to her husband and started looking at his phone content, and he slapped it away. He claimed he was “merely protecting his privacy.”
It’s too bad that society has created this aura of privacy. There aren’t any secrets or privacy in a good marriage, just bad ones. Since he has nothing to hide, then he should have said, “Next time you want to look at my phone, you may if you ask.” -- Happy Husband
DEAR HAPPY HUSBAND: I agree with the response you suggest from the husband, but the question came from the wife, who was trying to justify her choice to grab his phone, punch in the pass code and scroll through his messages.
I agree that there should not be secrecy in a good marriage, but I disagree about privacy. I think every member of a family has a right to personal privacy — certainly when there is no reason to suspect anything is amiss.