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Miss Manners: Longtime employee excluded from main reception

Dear Miss Manners: I have been working for a very small family company as a receptionist for nine years. Their daughter, whom I saw grow up, just got married. However, I am still irking over what they did to me.

I was invited to the bachelorette party, where I brought a gift, of course. I was invited to the wedding and to the general cake reception. I was told that the full reception, to be held later that night, was for close friends and family only, so I was not invited.

I was asked to pick up, set up and serve cake for the general cake reception, which I did, and once I cleaned up everything, I went my jolly way home.

Later that night, I see the videos posted on social media by everyone from the full reception, and it was huge! Everyone was there. All the employees of the company, and even one that only started working there three months ago!

I am still irking about that, and I am considering quitting because I feel like a complete, unappreciated fool. Or should I let this go? Am I being envious and too petty because I did not get invited to the full reception?

“I enjoyed your daughter’s wedding so much that I am happy to waive any overtime I accrued for working at it. I hope that she will also enjoy the silver vase I sent.”

If the family does not have the good grace to be embarrassed by this, Miss Manners hopes that they will at least hesitate before posting their next party on social media.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it acceptable polite behavior to ball up a paper napkin and put it on your dirty plate when you're done eating?

As opposed to pocketing it for later? While cloth napkins should be placed to the side of one’s plate once used, paper ones are meant to be disposed of. And Miss Manners finds a dirty plate more acceptable for that than a clean hand.

Dear Miss Manners: I have a co-worker with whom I worked closely in the past, but we are currently in different areas of the same school building. When I worked with her, she was experiencing infertility issues; however, she recently announced she is expecting a baby girl.

I am thrilled for her and proceeded to hand-make a few special items. I try to make something for each mother/child whom I work with. In a recent conversation, she expressed her plan to have a baby shower in the near future. I would like to be included in the invitation list, simply because I would like to celebrate this happy occasion with her. How do I mention the subject of an invitation without overtly inviting myself, or putting her in a position to feel obligated to invite me if her plans did not include former co-workers?

“I have a small present for the baby. Please let me know when a good time to give it to you would be.” This prompts the expectant mother to realize that inviting you might be worth her while if she was not already planning it.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website,

2018, by Judith Martin