As you see in this week’s results, our perennial Join Now contest produced dozens of clever neologisms with clever, funny definitions. And also dozens of clever neologisms with, well . . . . This week: Here are Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 (in which you had to change a real T-through-Z word by one letter) that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. Write a clever, funny definition for any of them. You may add a hyphen and capitalization if you like, wherever you like. We’re bound to get a lot of entries with the same general idea, so your funny writing will be key. Using the word in a funny sentence helps. (That would be a funny sentence.)
Agreeorist • Appology • Banxiety • Bleedership • Demonomics • Dollege • Dreamergency • Dysfuncarian • Farticle • Fedative • Fedulation • Flushitational • Foxic waste • Frankenbobble • Geriair • Gubermensch • Hex-Mex • Hootsuit • Humgram • Hypatitis • Investicide • Kleptobysmal • Neuternet • Obviass • Pinhibition • Scabinet • Smartyr • Snafood • Tattool • Testosteroni • Todderance • Troglodate • Vermine • Voldemart • Wartergate • Wastington • Whombat • Wikimpedia • Wunderithm • Yaho • Zealouse • Zomba
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the fine 100 percent cotton tribute, pictured at left, to the lush, hilly attractions of the Cornhusker State. Donated by 83-time Loser Dudley Thompson.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to email@example.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 29; results published May 19 (online May 16). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1018” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Brad Alexander.; the alternative headline in the “Next week’s results” line is by Danielle Nowlin. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
New! Get a daily nugget of the Invite with Style Invitational Ink of the Day, a Facebook page. Just go to bit.ly/inkofday and click “Like,” and every day you’ll get a few classic entries from the Invite archives.
Still running — deadline Monday night — is our contest for funny headlines that use a single vowel throughout. See bit.ly/invite1017.
in which we asked you to combine the beginnings and/or ends of two words in a single Washington Post article and define the result:
Ping-Pyong: A high-stakes game in which two countries smack threats back and forth with lobs, spin and backhand shots. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
2. Winner of the two crudely named hand sanitizers (this one and this one):
Cypr-security: Odd form of national protection in which the government breaks into your bank account. (Kyle Hendrickson, Urbana, Md.)
3. Bubburb: A trailer park. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
4. DOMAtose: Entirely out of touch with the rest of the world. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Yogling: Stop looking up in downward-facing dog, Mister! (Deborah Wagner, Brookeville, Md., a First Offender)
Abdicament: When your six-pack turns into a keg. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Invisylvania: To a House member, anyplace outside the home district. (Michael Gaffney, Bethesda, Md.)
Moneymoon: The two-minute interval just after you win the lottery, but before your relatives call. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.)
Ghostscape: Google+, the antisocial network. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Rantosophy: The principle holding that the more questionable the viewpoint, the higher the volume of its adherents. (Jeff Hazle)
Pompisserie: A bathroom at Versailles. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
Bipartistan: Mythical country where leaders work together for the common good. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Cramnesia: Drawing a blank during a final exam after pulling an all-nighter. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Multimudgeonly: Cranky about everything! (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
Niplomacy:The art of maintaining eye contact with a woman in a sheer blouse. (Chris Doyle)
McAka: One of those dark-looking workers at fast-food restaurants. — G. Allen, Richmond (Mike Gips)
Sluggage: Bags that arrive two days after you do. (Chris Doyle)
Lobsteer: A genetically engineered surf ’n’ turf dish. (Chris Doyle)
Domestick: A parasite found stuck to the sofa. (Jeff Brechlin)
Disgrumpled: Bent out of shape. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
Turbryo: A fetus that never stops kicking. (Edmund Conti)
Sequecide: Killing your chances for reelection. (David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)
Flosscross: The stringiest of string bikinis. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Gyroscones: Finally, they designed toast that always lands butter side up. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Fezenda: A tassel. “Wow, Trixie sure can twirl those fezendas during her dance!” (Syd McPherson, Woodbridge, Va., a First Offender)
Cesspull: The tug-of-war contest that’s the highlight of Visitors Day at Blue Plains Treatment Plant. (Syd McPherson)
Ye-mail: Olden form of communication involving paper products and “postage.” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Rageweeds: Those plants that produce all this ?@#$%^&*+ pollen!!! (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Flowhow: What Mom explains to her 10-year-old daughter. (Tom Buckley, Centreville, Va.)
Offendix: The part of the body that does nothing but take umbrage and registers slights; prone to inflammation and, for many people, better removed. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
NEA-culpa: The new motto of Wisconsin as Gov. Scott Walker forces teachers unions to take the blame for everything that’s wrong with America. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond)
Mammosaur: A retired Hooters waitress. (David Garratt)
Preg-nup: An “agreement” often reached at the point of a shotgun. (Mark Raffman)
Merch-mosphere: That section of the cable bandwidth containing the five channels from QVC to HSN (James Pierce, Charlottesville, Va.)
Liblash: A painful condition that occurs when left-leaning people are stuck watching Fox News in the auto service waiting room. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Humoroids: A malady resulting from repeated strained attempts to be funny. (Jeff Brechlin)
And Last: Attabroad: Inadvisable compliment to the contest judge upon getting ink. (Ray Lum, Arlington, Va.)
See the Empress’s online column The Style Conversational, (posted late Thursday afternoon), in which she discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Next week’s results: Faux Re Mi, or Time to Fake the Music, our Week 1015 contest for totally bogus musical trivia.