So, what are the career options available for a gal who’s already:

• Been a prostitute to the stars;

• Done a stretch in the slammer;

• Been the subject of a Hollywood flick project that dried up;

• Been the subject of a documentary about her “Hollywood Madam” years;

• Published a memoir;

• Tried to open a human stud farm in Nevada that went bust;

• Opened a laundromat, cutely named Dirty Laundry, that did not grow into the hoped-for chain;

• Toyed with the idea of opening a wind farm;

And enjoyed two rounds of D-list fame, on the U.K. version of “Celebrity Big Brother” and — co-starring alongside her nasty meth habit — on Dr. Drew’s “Celebrity Rehab”?

Well, there’s always: pimping your parrots to Animal Planet!

The Silver Spring-based cable network announced Thursday that it would debut the one-hour special (read: back-door pilot) “Heidi Fleiss: Prostitutes to Parrots” on July 31.

The special “follows Fleiss as she struggles to care for the new loves in her life — more than 20 exotic macaw parrots.”

And by “new,” they mean since at least 2007. That’s when the Las Vegas Review-Journal wrote a front-page story about the Hollywood Madam and her then 25 parrots — some of which, the article said, she got the year before, from a neighbor who kept hundreds of exotic birds in a trailer before dying.

In that article, Fleiss said her parrots were mostly macaws — macaws being, she explained, “the pimpin’ birds.”

Which brings us full circle back to Animal Planet’s “Prostitutes to Parrots,” in which, the network says, Fleiss will look “to get her life back on track” — again. This time with her home “covered in bird poop” and monthly bills for the birds “soaring into the thousands” of dollars.

There’s tension because she must balance “her need to tend to the birds at home with the necessity of leaving them to earn a living outside of it.” So Fleiss shuttles from her laundromat to the “doggie day-care she is set to open.” Heaven help the doggies.

“It’s been a crazy way to reinvent myself, but I love these birds and I will be successful,” Fleiss said, tragically.

It’s ‘All-American’

TLC — the network of “Freaky Eaters,” “Hoarding: Buried Alive,” “Extreme Couponing” and “19 Kids and Counting” — announced Thursday that it has ordered a reality series it promises will be a compassionate look at what it’s like to be Muslim in America.

The new series, titled “All-American Muslim” and premiering in November, “delves deep inside the rarely seen world of Muslim Americans to uncover unique insight into this little-known — and often misunderstood — community,” the network said.

The show is set in Dearborn, Mich., a midsize industrial city that is home to the largest mosque in the United States.

Five families have agreed to be followed. These families share the same religion but lead very “distinctive” lives, TLC marveled in Thursday’s announcement.

Each episode will look at some of the misconceptions they face — you know, like cable network suits who marvel that five families of the same faith can lead distinctive lives.

“Through these families and their diverse experiences, we will explore how they blend their values and traditions with everyday life in America, providing insight into their culture with care and compassion,” said TLC’s GM, Amy Winter.

This compassionate new series is being produced by Shed Media, the indie production house known for such compassionate series as “Freaky Eaters” (about people addicted to tartar sauce and maple syrup), “Basketball Wives” and “Football Wives” (VH1’s catfight orgies) and Bravo’s shrew-fests “Real Housewives of New York City” and “Bethenny Ever After.”

Shed also produces less cheesetastic reality shows such as NBC’s celebrity genealogy series, “Who Do You Think You Are”; ABC’s fix-a-dysfunctional family series, “SuperNanny”; and Animal Planet’s extreme dog training series, “It’s Me or the Dog.”

In its announcement, TLC noted that three of the Muslim families that will “defy the assumptions and stereotypes prevalent in today’s society” are:

• Two sisters — one is active in the Muslim community and prays five times a day; the other is pierced and tatted and married an Irish Catholic who converted to Islam.

• A recently married couple having their first baby.

• A professional couple: He’s the deputy chief at a sheriff’s department; she’s a consultant to a major auto manufacturer.