(This post contains spoilers about the season premiere of “American Horror Story: Hotel.”)


Lady Gaga as the Countess in “American Horror Story: Hotel.” ( Suzanne Tenner/FX)

People who say Lady Gaga is acting more mainstream than ever these days may want to check out her appearance on the season premiere of “American Horror Story: Hotel.”

The pop star made her highly-anticipated debut on the disturbing drama as a glittery demon vampire-type person who really likes murdering people and having sex. Preferably at the same time.

The fifth season of FX's creepy hit, "American Horror Story," is starring Lady Gaga in her first major acting role, but this isn't the singer's first time reinventing herself. From music to fashion to philanthropy, here's a look at her empire. (Nicki DeMarco/The Washington Post)

If you find the notion too disturbing to watch this horrifying show (we can’t blame you) but want to know what happens anyway, here’s the deal about Lady Gaga’s character.

The gist: Lady Gaga plays the Countess, who according to Entertainment Weekly, is “a glamorous socialite who attends art openings and fashion shows and maintains her looks not from a steady diet of kale but from imbibing human blood.” Showrunner Ryan Murphy says not to call her a vampire: “I prefer the term ‘ancient blood virus,’ ” he told EW.

The Countess lives in the top floor of the very haunted and terrifying Hotel Cortez, which isn’t an ideal hotel stay unless you want to be attacked, murdered or dismembered.

Origin story: We don’t know the details yet, but viewers see a flashback to the hotel in 1991, when a drug addict named Donovan (Matt Bomer) had an overdose. We see The Countess appear from nowhere and cradle Donovan in her arms as his mother, Iris, (Kathy Bates) sobs. “Your boy has a jaw line for days,” the Countess says, tracing his face with her glove. Flash forward to present day, and Donovan — maybe a ghost now? — is somehow still alive and living with the Countess.

Hobbies: Considering the Countess has a light-up sign in her hotel room that says “Why aren’t we having sex right now?”... you can probably guess. In her first scene, she and Donovan dress up in fancy clothes, go to a theater and lure an attractive couple back to their room. It quickly turns into a murder-orgy. While they’re all having sex, the Countess and Donovan stab the unsuspecting couple and bask in all the blood.

Dialogue after the scene:

Countess: “I know you didn’t feel like going out tonight.”

Donovan: “It’s not the getting ready. It’s the clean-up.”

Countess: “Call housekeeping.”

Personality: Impatient. We gather this because Iris (she’s also the surly hotel concierge) kidnaps some Swedish tourists. When one escapes, the Countess stops the tourist in her tracks and slices her throat open, leaving her bleeding out on the floor.

“This can never happen again,” the Countess tells Iris, eyeing the blood.

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