Are you enjoying your snow day Washington? The one that was absolutely unnecessary?
New year, new administration, new world order, same old snow spaz.
Our annual snow freakout did not disappoint. On Tuesday, the nation’s capital basically shut down for a big two inches of wintry mix. The city is a little snowy and icy and about as quiet as parts of the Mall on Inauguration Day.
Not only did the region wig out and raid all stores of milk, bread and toilet paper as the satellite maps got more colorful, but the bananas were also totally gone from one Maryland Wegmans. Whose snow plan was that?
Nearly all the schools in the region closed. Day cares shut down. The federal government was on a three-hour delay. Even schools on Quantico base called it a day. If the Marines can’t defeat Winter Storm Stella, what hope do we have?
President Trump summoned the District, Mayor Muriel E. Bowser (D) and the head of the Metro system, Paul J. Wiedefeld, to prepare for the blizzard and tweeted the awkward photo.
Isn’t this the point in a young presidency when — as Barack Obama did his first winter in D.C. — the president coming from a snowier state brags on their home town’s flintiness and mocks D.C. wimpiness?
Instead, the White House postponed a meeting between Trump and German Chancellor Angela Merkel in anticipation of the Slushzilla. Germany must be laughing all the way to Garmisch over that one.
In Washington’s defense, D.C. public schools were the only ones in the region that stayed open, with a two-hour delay.
And wow, did the kids howl. I really can’t post their tweets. A lot of profanity went down.
But parents were also upset and took it upon themselves to make the call.
@NOTcheckn4U let them have it: “I told my kids to stay home, it’s still snowing out here in dc. To hell with DCPS.”
So here we are, in a country filled with people prepping for the coming Apocalypse, and we apparently can’t dig our way out of two inches of snow.
“Where are the shovels?” demanded Angela Fritz, my colleague at the Capital Weather Gang. She is among those who suspect Washington is filled with slackers eager to seize any excuse for a snow day. It’s an annual ritual — the D.C. version of Mardi Gras — and we didn’t get to play hooky from work and school during our creepy warm winter.
Maybe we’re like the plants that Scott Aker, head of horticulture at the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s National Arboretum, cares for.
He told me last month that flora need a deep, long freeze to come back full of vigor. And a lukewarm winter doesn’t give them the rest they need — or we need.
Humans need time to shut down, to stop feeling obligated to go, go, go.
This winter has been exhausting. The election, the inauguration, the resistance, the presidential tweetstorms, the “deep state” confrontations. No wonder the nation’s power center shut down the moment a flake was spotted.
With climate change, real snow days are going to become more sparse and pretend snow days are going to be harder to justify. The whole ritual will become even fake newsier, like that Obama/Trump meeting after the election. Ick.
So let’s just call it what it is — Faux Day.
Go ahead people: flick on the Netflix, make the hot chocolate, admit defeat. Recharge. Just don’t blame it on the weather.
Happy Faux Day.
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