His sister egged him on, telling him that she would pay for his meal on Thursday if the restaurant didn’t. Three hours later, Bonser was waiting by the host stand at the Outback Steakhouse in Arlington, dressed in a fresh blazer and button-down shirt and carrying a poorly wrapped present.
“I figured that I’m getting a free steak either way,” he told The Washington Post later that night. “It would be fiscally irresponsible not to do it.”
The restaurant was crowded with couples celebrating the holiday, and even though Bonser had called ahead to make a reservation, the host told him there would be a 10-minute wait. That was fine, he replied, as his date had said that she was running late.
Once he had been seated in a booth by the bar, his server came by to see if he wanted any drinks while he was waiting. Bonser, who was documenting the social experiment in real time on Twitter, ordered a beer for himself and a glass of chardonnay for his “date” — her favorite.
As no one showed up, Bonser started to look less and less hopeful. He sipped on his beer. When the waiter walked by again, he pulled out his cellphone and pretended to leave a voice-mail message: “I’m here, let me know when you’re on your way.”
By 9:30 p.m., he had finished off an entire loaf of complimentary bread. People in the restaurant were starting to look at him with concern. When the server brought out more bread, Bonser didn’t even bother to slice it before stuffing it in his mouth.
More than an hour had passed since he first arrived, and the kitchen was about to close. With a despondent look on his face, Bonser grabbed the decanter of chardonnay and chugged it. “No glass necessary,” he wrote on Twitter.
Without comment, his server delicately removed the untouched wine glass and empty decanter from the table. Bonser ordered a steak and a side of macaroni and cheese, and watched as the waiter had a word with the bartender. Then, he pretended to leave a halting voice mail that could be heard by everyone still sitting around the bar.
“So, the kitchen closes in a minute or so, so I had to order food,” he said between painfully long pauses. “I’m taking it that you’re probably not going to make it. So . . . umm . . . I guess I’ll talk to you later. I hope everything’s okay, hope nothing bad happened. Um, so I guess, you know, shoot me a text or give me a call when you get this, if you can. Hope everything’s okay.”
A rolled-up set of silverware and a glass of ice water still sat across the table from him, creating a pathetic scene. By then, Bonser had come up with a name for his absent girlfriend: Katherine.
“Katherine is a consultant at Deloitte,” he wrote. “She lives in Arlington, that’s why I chose this spot. We met at the grocery store. We both went for the same bag of shredded cheese. She seemed so excited for our Valentine’s Day date."
When his steak came out, Bonser didn’t touch it. The restaurant was closed, but roughly a dozen people were still seated at the bar, he told The Post. None had said anything to him yet, but all had discreetly turned to look at him at some point during the evening.
i have started crying.— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
Forlornly, he took a few bites of his macaroni and cheese. When a piece fell onto the floor, he picked it back up and ate it.
By 10:30 p.m., the check still hadn’t shown up, and Bonser had spent nearly two hours waiting for his nonexistent date. Just when he started to think that he might actually be on the hook for the bill, a couple who had been sitting at the bar got up. They looked “no younger than 60 or so,” he said, and he got the sense that this wasn’t their first Valentine’s Day at Outback. On their way out, they stopped by his table and told him that they had already paid for his meal.
“Hey, bud, we’ll take care of that,” the man said, according to Bonser. “Sorry about that. Don’t let it get you down.”
His mission was a success: Despite having no previous acting experience, Bonser had been able to convince his fellow diners that he had been stood up on Valentine’s Day. As a “thank you,” he made a $50 donation to the American Civil Liberties Union, figuring that was roughly what his meal had cost the anonymous couple.
“Otherwise,” he told The Post, “I’m going to have some real bad karma coming my way.”
Katherine may have just missed out on her future husband.— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
thanks for following along y’all - glad I could entertain.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Within a matter of hours, thousands of people had retweeted or liked Bonser’s Twitter thread, and at least one woman had volunteered to go on a real date with him. “Get this cat free steak.....FO LIFE!” wrote NFL Network host Cole Wright, who deemed it the funniest Twitter thread of all time. Fantasy football analyst Adam Rank, also with NFL Network, chimed in: “I feel like you’re the hero we don’t deserve.”
Others criticized him for wasting his waiter’s time, arguing that he should have tipped more than $20 on one of the busiest nights of the year. In his defense, Bonser said that he had tried to make sure he was leaving a good tip for the man, who seemed to genuinely feel sorry for him and responded to the situation with impressive tact.
“The waiter was a rock star,” he said. “He handled it so smoothly.”
Back when he was in college, Bonser once found himself on the other end of the equation. While waiting tables at Chili’s one night, he witnessed a man being stood up by his date, and felt so bad that he ended up comping the man’s dinner. “Having been that server, I tell that story a lot,” he said, adding that his Outback waiter “has that story in his arsenal now.”
In retrospect, he acknowledged, it was possible that the morose man at Chili’s had also been lying in hopes of getting a free meal. “At that point, if he had been faking, he did a good job,” he said. “He earned it.”
As for his own performance, Bonser said that he was motivated both by a genuine love of Outback Steakhouse and because it seemed like an entertaining challenge. After all, he added, he didn’t have a date for the night and his plans had previously consisted of watching old episodes of “The Office.”
“I also had the vision of me in a suit staring into a void over a decanter of white wine, and I knew that would be extremely funny to me,” he said. “If nothing else, I’d always have that for myself.”
On Friday, Outback Steakhouse responded to his Twitter thread by inviting him back for a free meal — the catch being that he has to bring a real date this time.
“We believe in love connections and have hope!” Elizabeth Watts, a spokeswoman for Outback Steakhouse parent company Bloomin’ Brands, wrote in an email to The Post. “We’ll take care of the meal for him and his next real date.” She added that “in appreciation for the couple’s kindness and generosity, we plan to take care of their next meal too.”
More from Morning Mix: