“Nuns fight plan to sell Hollywood convent to Katy Perry,” reads this Los Angeles Times headline … so … sure?

Let’s just keep moving along with it, I guess?

Times columnist Steve Lopez reports that the nuns are locked in a land dispute that involves Los Angeles Archbishop Jose Gomez and the pop star Perry, who is looking to buy a former convent.

Here’s a brief explainer on the situation.

In one corner …

And in the other …

I think the sharks are staying out of this, though.

The problem:
Okay, so it’s a land issue, so just promise to stick with me here.

Basically, the nuns once lived in a convent, which, as convents go, was a pretty solid spot. The Times notes that it “covers several acres and offers million-dollar views of downtown Los Angeles and the San Gabriel Mountain.” So, you get the idea? It’s just very nice.

Sister Catherine Rose, one of the nuns who is involved in the mess, told the newspaper that they moved out a few years ago. Even though they weren’t thrilled about that. Curbed L.A. reports that the home was sold to philanthropists, who in turn sold it back to the nuns.

There are only five Immaculate Heart nuns alive, and two say the land belonged to them, the Times reports.

That land has now been signed over to Dana Hollister, a local restaurateur, according to the Times. The archbishop and the archdiocese, however, want to sell it to Katy Perry, the newspaper reports.

Has there been any trash talk?
Why, yes! Yes, there has.

It turns out one of the nuns looked up Perry online. Here’s Lopez, the Times columnist, with more:

“Well, I found Katy Perry and I found her videos and … if it’s all right to say, I wasn’t happy with any of it,” said Sister Rita, who told me she would rather not elaborate on her concerns as to whether Perry is a suitable candidate to live in a convent.
When Sister Rita learned that Perry would be performing during the Super Bowl halftime, she tuned in. Perry sang “Teenage Dream,” (Let you put your hands on me. In my skin-tight jeans.) which was not a good choice, given Sister Rita’s careful monitoring of the show. Sister Rita then watched as Perry was lifted off the ground and flew around the stadium as if riding a shooting star.
“I thought, is that a way to make money?” said Sister Rita. “Maybe I could fly around. I could be the flying nun.”

(Sister Rita!)

What did Katy Perry say?
Katy Perry couldn’t be reached for comment by the Times, but even if she did say something, I would like to think it might have been … a bit more diplomatic than Sister Rita’s remarks, perhaps.

And what did the Archdiocese of Los Angeles say?
Here’s its statement, in full:

The Archdiocese of Los Angeles has a longstanding commitment to the care and well-being of the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. The stewardship of the Sisters and the Waverly Drive property were entrusted to the Archdiocese by the Holy See in 2005. The Sisters are not living on the property, which is vacant and deteriorating. The Sisters agreed that it was logical to consider a sale of the property. All proceeds from the sale will be dedicated to the care of the Sisters.
Two proposals have been considered. Ms. Dana Hollister moved forward and recorded a deed without consent taking control of the property. News sources reported that her offer was for $15.5 million. However, the deed reflects a value of $10 million, of which only $100,000 was paid, and the balance is payable under a contingent promissory note with no assurance if and when the rest of the money will be paid. The other transaction, supported by the majority of the sisters, is for $14.5 million in value to the Sisters, consisting of $10 million in cash and an alternative property for the House of Prayer to be owned by the Sisters and valued at $4.5 million.
Unfortunately, the Archdiocese had to take civil action to protect against the unauthorized action by Ms. Hollister, which was undertaken after the preferred transaction had been accepted in consultation with the Sisters.
The Hollister transaction lacks the required approval from the Archdiocese and the Holy See, and does not provide a solution for the House of Prayer which is on the property. The Archdiocese continues to work with the Sisters to ensure that decisions concerning the sale of the property are made in their best interest. We want to make sure no one takes advantage of the Sisters.

What happens now?
A court fight, according to the Times, which seems unpleasant.

But if you want to focus on the positives, a long legal dispute might also mean more “Today” show interviews like this.

Abby Ohlheiser contributed to this report.