on Stewart (Carolyn Kaster - AP) Jon Stewart (Carolyn Kaster/AP)

Put this in the you-can’t-make-up-this-stuff category: A legislator in Kansas was pushing legislation to allow teachers and parents to whack kids hard enough to bruise. Why? Out of the mistaken belief that beating up children is an effective disciplinary method.

The good news is that a legislative committee just killed the bill, but there is something horrifying about the fact that someone thought it was worth committing to paper.

Said Stewart:

Hello, my name is Representative Gail Finney. Are you holding back from punching the **** out of your children because you fear legal repercussions? Well, fear no more. Your nightmare is over, whereas theirs is just beginning.

The bill called for permitting teachers, caretakers and anybody else with permission from a child’s guardian to hit them really, really hard. How hard is that? Hard enough to bruise.


Whoever it is in your life that you believe hits the hardest. … “Hey, uh, while you’re here to fix the cable, would you mind going upstairs. I’ve got a 9-year-old that won’t make the bed. A quick shot to the chops should do it …

Under House Bill 2699:

‘Corporal punishment’ means 10 forceful applications in succession of a bare open-hand palm against the clothed buttocks of a child acknowledging that redness or bruising may occur on the tender skin of a child as a result.

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