Delivering books by drones may still be years off, but Tuesday morning brought news of a bold new plan to deliver book reviews by drones.

The announcement described an ambitious effort to hire an army of dull, affectless men to read summaries of literary novels out loud:

“Book reviews delivered by drones will avoid all the problems associated with overly enthusiastic critics,” the statement said. “No more hearing a colorful review and running out to get the book only to discover that you’re disappointed. The monotonous tone of a man droning on and on about the latest book will set readers’ expectations to a safe, extremely low level.”