First, Schumer was shocked that she even got the starring role about her own life in the movie she wrote. “I assumed they would cast a beautiful, model-y actress to play the lead role, like a Blake Lively,” Schumer said, name-checking the starlet that she mocked in one of her more popular sketches from her Comedy Central show. “And that I’d be on set just as a writer with a messy bun and a laptop… and she’d be like, ‘Why is there a garden gnome on set?'”
But no! Executives were thrilled to have Schumer play the lead. “They were like, ‘No, we want you to be in the movie — we just need you to do three things. One: Just be yourself. Two: Have fun! And three: Stop eating food.”
Schumer paused for much laughter from the Apollo audience. “I was like, ‘Wait a minute…don’t people need food to live?’ And they were like, ‘That’s a myth.'”
Finally, Schumer acquiesced, enthusiastically agreeing to the plan. “I was like, ‘You guys! I don’t even like food, I was just eating it ’cause I was bored. Yuck! Who wants to chew and eat food all the time?”
“Me,” Schumer deadpanned. “I do. It turns out I need food.”
She went on to tell the story about how after dieting was a bust, she went to a personal trainer who was horrified by her appearance. She recalled her quest to achieve a “late-in-life eating disorder”… but that didn’t work either. These days, it’s hard to find someone better than Schumer about calling out ridiculous standards of beauty in general, but mostly in Hollywood.