The product: Marmot outdoor gear

The premise: A man and his marmot friend are camping, taking in nature's splendor, sitting around a fire. And since no one else is around, the guy sees a little twinkle in that Marmot's eyes. So he leans in for a kiss…

The punchline: …and the Marmot slaps him on the face. "I'm not that kind of Marmot," he squeaks. "Fall in love with the great outdoors" is the tagline.

The verdict: Ugh, where to begin? First of all, teasers released before the Super Bowl show our little pal urinating off of a cliff — firmly establishing that this is a male marmot, in case you were considering giving the brand the benefit of the doubt. You shouldn't! It couldn't be any clearer that this entire commercial is one long "no homo" joke, with an extra little sprinkle of implied bestiality. Why did you go there, Marmot?

Read more: