Candidates don’t have a lot of say over their celebrity endorsements. They can cross their fingers and call in favors, but they’ll inevitably get stuck with some vocal advocates they don’t want, like the last-picked in a grade school kickball team.
Based on numbers, not to mention A-list names, Hillary Clinton is leading the pack. She has Beyoncé, Sting, Steven Spielberg, Robert De Niro, Stevie Wonder, Tom Hanks and George Clooney in her corner. Donald Trump’s list reads like a collection of muscly dudes, also-rans and loose cannons: Gary Busey, Hulk Hogan, Jean Claude Van Damme, Ted Nugent and Lou Ferrigno, to name a few.
It’s not really a surprise that Clinton is winning; Hollywood is a liberal place. But there’s still a way to compare the two rosters. We matched up the celebrity supporters based on categories:
Weight-loss gurus: Jenny Craig vs. Tracy Anderson
The endorsement: Craig is hosting a Trump fundraising dinner with tickets going for $25,000. Anderson participated in Lena Dunham’s “I’m With Her” video alongside Shonda Rhimes, Jamie Lee Curtis and Constance Wu.
The winner: Craig has the name recognition. Anderson may have helped Gwyneth Paltrow get the derriere of “a 22-year-old stripper,” but far fewer people know who she is. And the people who do — women with the means to shell out for her pricey streaming subscriptions — are probably already voting Clinton.
Superheroes: Dean Cain vs. Ben Affleck
The endorsement: The former “Lois and Clark” star declared himself a “Trump guy” on “Fox and Friends” in May. The sad Batman has a long history with Clinton. His name even popped up in emails on her private server.
The winner: Dean who? It has been a long time since Cain was on a hit show. Affleck is hardly universally appealing but at least he’s universally recognized. That being said, if Trump says anything about Martha to him, who knows what could happen?
“Cheers” employees: Kirstie Alley vs. Ted Danson
The support: Alley officially endorsed Trump on Twitter. Danson (and wife Mary Steenburgen) stumped for Clinton at a New Hampshire campaign event.
— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) April 8, 2016
The winner: Alley. She may not be nearly as visible as Danson is — he has starred in both television for the people (like “CSI”) and critical darlings (“Fargo”) while Alley’s career has faltered — but a female advocate is much more valuable to Trump than another well-documented liberal is for Clinton.
Hall of Fame hoopsters: Dennis Rodman vs. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
The endorsement: “We don’t need another politician, we need a businessman like Mr. Trump!” Rodman tweeted last year. In an op-ed for The Washington Post, Abdul-Jabbar announced his support for Clinton because she “possesses that rare but crucial combination of idealism and pragmatism,” he wrote.
@realDonaldTrump has been a great friend for many years. We don't need another politician, we need a businessman like Mr. Trump! Trump 2016
— Dennis Rodman (@dennisrodman) July 24, 2015
The winner: Abdul-Jabbar. Rodman is known for his wild shenanigans and North Korea visits, but does anyone actually care about what or whom he approves of? Other than Kim Jong-un of course …
Loose cannon hip-hop stars: Azealia Banks vs. Kanye West
The endorsement: “I think Trump is the only one who truly has the balls to bust up big business. Hilary is too tied in with them and Bernie has no clout,” Banks tweeted in February. West donated to Clinton’s campaign.
The winner: West. I know what you’re thinking and Imma let you finish but hear me out: He’s been spouting off a lot of gibberish lately and he’s a known Kardashian affiliate, but the problem isn’t him, it’s Banks. She also tweeted about the presumptive Republican nominee, “I think Donald trump is evil like America is evil and in order for America to keep up with itself it needs him.” So we’ll call that endorsement a Pyrrhic victory.
Television fixtures of the 1980s: Scott Baio vs. Soleil Moon Frye
The endorsement: Chachi loves Trump: “He speaks like I speak, he communicates with people very well,” Baio said of the Republican contender. “I want him, as any one person can do, to go into Washington and blow it up.” (We don’t think he meant that literally.) Punky Brewster, meanwhile, contributed cash to Clinton’s campaign.
The winner: Charles is still in charge if only because he’s being a lot more vocal about it.
Grammy winner and Presidential Medal of Freedom awardees: Loretta Lynn vs. Barbra Streisand
The endorsement: “Trump has sold me – what more can I say?” Lynn told Reuters. Streisand, meanwhile, has been extremely outspoken, even penning a Huffington Post op-ed decrying the sexist double-standards that Clinton has faced in her run for the White House.
The winner: Lynn. Not only does the Coal Miner’s Daughter have a broader appeal, from the country fans who fell in love with her in the 1960s to the hipsters who got to know her through her Jack White collaborations, she’s basically the walking embodiment of the American Dream.
Rocks: Kid vs. Chris
The endorsement: “I’m digging Trump,” the self-designated American Bad Ass told Rolling Stone. “And his campaign has been entertaining as s—.” And although Chris Rock has said some not-so-nice things about Bill Clinton in the past (He’s a d—,” Rock told New York Magazine), the comedian tweeted his support of the former first lady.
The winner: Chris Rock. You think the guy who hosted the Oscars is going to get beat out by a white rapper?
Real Housewives: Teresa Giudice vs. LuAnn de Lesseps
The endorsement: “Of course I’m going to vote for Donald Trump,” New Jersey Housewife Giudice told Andy Cohen on “Watch What Happens Live.” “I think he’s amazing. I think he’ll make a great president.” (It should be noted that she was a contender on Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”) Countess LuAnn — of the New York rendition — attended a star-studded fundraiser for Clinton hosted by Anna Wintour last October.
The winner: The Countess, by default, because can we really trust an ex-con?
Gibberish spouters: Charlie Sheen vs. Lindsay Lohan
The endorsement: First Sheen called Trump a “shame pile of idiocy,” and then he tweeted that he’d happily be the tycoon’s running mate.
they took ur comment
out of context!
If Trump will hv me
I'd be his VP
in a heartbeat!
— Charlie Sheen (@charliesheen) August 27, 2015
Then there’s Lohan, who has suddenly gained an interest in politics, if her incoherent tweets and Instagrams are any indication.
The winner: Ummm….