President Trump’s combative news conference on Thursday afternoon left some people speechless. “It’s kind of hard to characterize the press conference,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night’s “Late Show” on CBS. “Words fail me.”

However, he still managed to skewer the event, as did all the other late-night hosts — several of whom ripped up prepared jokes and pivoted once Trump’s news conference overtook the day’s headlines. Here are six things that Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Trevor Noah and James Corden all mocked:

1) When Trump asked American Urban Radio Networks reporter April Ryan “Are they friends of yours?” and “Do you want to set up the meeting?” after she asked if he planned to reach out to the Congressional Black Caucus.

Colbert: “Oh, you’re a black woman, can you talk to the Congressional Black Caucus? Can you guys get together at your next meeting of the black club? Can you black people just figure that thing out? You know what, forget it. I’ll have Ben Carson do it.”

Meyers: “It’s racist to assume all black people know each other. You don’t know all orange people. Hey, Donald, can you set up a meeting with Snooki and the Lorax? You can talk about trees and tanning.”

Noah: “Here’s one redeeming quality about Donald Trump. He’s an equal opportunity offender. Because it’s not just the Jews — he’s also got space for the blacks. (Imitates Trump’s voice.) ‘Are they friends of yours? Are they? Did you all grow up in the hood together? While you’re at it, by the way, I’ve been trying to get in touch with Frederick Douglass, can you invite him to the meeting, too?'”

Kimmel: “You know it’s a bad press conference when assuming all black people know each other wasn’t even the worst part of it.”

Colbert (to bandleader Jon Batiste): “Jon, it’s true, right? … Is he giving away a secret? All black people know each other, right? And you control each other’s schedules?”
Batiste: “Yeah, yeah, we meet at Oprah’s house.”
Colbert: “Oh, at Oprah’s house? Can you set up a meeting between me and Beyoncé and Denzel Washington and Frederick Douglass? Because I’ve been hearing some great things about that guy.”

2) Trump’s claim that he had the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan, and when a reporter pointed out that is not true, Trump said: “I was given that information” and “I’ve seen that information around.”

Colbert: “How presidential. It really reminds me of Harry Truman, who so famously said, ‘Look, I don’t know where it’s supposed to stop, I was given that buck.’”

Noah: “How does Trump even think that’s a valid excuse? ‘That’s the information I was given?’ You’re the president. That’s the information you were given? If you can’t trust your president to get the right information on a Googleable fact, then can you really trust him with the harder stuff? Which, by the way, is everything else the president of the United States has to deal with. We’re talking first page Google, guys.”

Corden: “Around? He saw this information ‘around?’ What, like it was tacked to a bulletin board next to guitar lessons and a picture of a lost cat?”

Colbert: “Actually, sir, Barack Obama got 365 electoral votes in 2008, you only got 306. Wait. Do you think 306 is larger than 365? Wow, Betsy DeVos works quick!”

3) Trump’s agitation that a Jewish reporter asked him about anti-Semitism, instead of a “friendly” question, and how he responded: “I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life.”

Noah: “Beyond Trump’s completely botched attempt at reassuring the Jewish community, what’s even more striking in that interaction, is that you have the president of a democracy who thinks press is only valid when they ask him easy questions, questions that he likes. In fact, in his mind, he deserves it, you know? That’s an easy question. ‘What are you going to do about anti-Semitism?’ ‘We’re going to stamp it out. Done.’ That’s all you have to say. That was the softest ball possible. A matzoh ball, if you will.”

Meyers: “Don’t worry, Trump made sure to offend multiple demographics.”

Corden: “This is the guy he said it to. This guy. He’s an Orthodox Jewish reporter. I’m pretty sure he has met people who are less anti-Semitic than Donald Trump. You know, like at home. Or at his temple. His Passover Seder.”

4) The fact that the news conference took over the day’s news — and was surreal. 

Noah: “We had a really nice show planned for you — very civil, very calm — and then, in the middle of the day, Hurricane Trump happened. Again.”

Meyers: “The Trump administration has been roiled by chaos, and today Trump doubled down on that chaos by holding a bizarre press conference full of false claims, grievances and attacks on the media… our show tapes at 6:30 and usually we start writing ‘A Closer Look’ the night before. By 1 p.m. today, we had a draft about Republican attempts to repeal Obamacare that we felt good about; and then Donald Trump held what can only be described as a bats— crazy press conference that rendered this script completely meaningless, so if you don’t mind … (shreds paper). Bye, dead jokes.”

Colbert: “It was a robust one hour and 17 minutes long. That is beefy. So beefy, you could eat it with a fork. But you’re going to want to use a spoon to get every drop of the crazy.”

Corden: “It was historically bizarre. And I mean, it was bizarre even by Trump standards.”

Kimmel: “The president decided to hold an impromptu press conference, and it was a sight to see. It reminded me of something you’d see before a pay-per-view boxing event … my guess he did it because he’s mad and he just wanted to blow off some steam. The tone of the press conference was like if your dad found a pack of cigarettes under your mattress.”

5) When Trump said the media would characterize the news conference as “Donald Trump rants and raves at the press,” then added, “I’m not ranting and raving.”

Meyers: “Did you hear him? He said he’s not ranting and raving, but again, what president hasn’t had to say ‘I’m not ranting and raving’? Who can forget Lincoln’s tirade at Gettysburg? Or FDR’s fireside meltdowns? And of course, Ronald Reagan famously saying, ‘Mr. Gorbachev, if you don’t tear down this f—ing wall, I’m going to lose my s—.’ ”

Noah (fake slurring): “Tomorrow they’ll say, I’m — I’m — I’m not drunk! You’re all drunk! You’re all drunk!”

6) How Trump loves “Fox & Friends.” (Even though some Fox News anchors weren’t so kind after the news conference.)

Colbert: (Shows clip of Fox News anchor saying “Wow. Alrighty then.”) “Wow! With friends like that, who needs ‘Fox & Friends.’”

Fallon: (Dressed up as Trump at the conference, pretending to call on CNN.) “Fake news! Fake news. In fact, I’m not even calling it fake news anymore. I’ve thought of something new. I changed the name. I’m now calling it ‘faux news.’ Much classier if you think about it. Very classy. F-a-u-x. It’s not pronounced Fox, even though I love Fox. It’s the best network. ‘Faux and Friends’ is my favorite show on ‘Faux.’ ”

Kimmel: “Except for ‘Fox & Friends,’ the president is extremely angry at the news media. Apparently, he spends a lot of time watching people talk about him and it gets him riled up. Would someone unplug his TV and take his phone away before we all get blown to smithereens here?”

Stephen Colbert: Trump is a 'firecracker' who will inspire jokes 'daily' (Reuters)

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