Former “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart apparently lives under Stephen Colbert’s desk now — or at least, he shows up whenever his old Comedy Central pal calls him for a segment. Stewart stopped by CBS’s “The Late Show” on Monday to mock the media’s “breakup” with President Trump, spurred by the incident last Friday when several news outlets were banned from an informal White House press briefing.
“It’s like they say, if you love the First Amendment, set it free. If it comes back, don’t let it in the press briefing,” Colbert said at the top of the segment. “And the root of all this is that Trump calls any story he doesn’t like ‘fake news.’ ”
All of a sudden, Stewart crawled out from under Colbert’s desk. He confessed that he misses being on television. Colbert assured him that he has a spot at “The Late Show” anytime, and pulled up a chair for his friend.
Stewart spent a few minutes skewering Trump’s comments from last week’s combative news conference before Colbert posed a question.
“So you agree with me that Trump banning any members of the press is un-American?” Colbert asked.
Stewart switched gears. “Ohhh, it’s un-American not to like the press!” he said mockingly. “You know what I say? I say stop your whining, press! Can I talk to the media for a moment?” He looked directly into the camera.
“Hey guys, hey media,” Stewart started. “So, I heard Donald broke up with you. Stings a little, doesn’t it? You finally thought you’d met your match. A blabbermouth who’s as thin-skinned and narcissistic as you are. Well now it’s over! Well, good riddance, I say! Kick him to the curb.”
Cue cheering from the studio audience as Stewart went on. “It is time for you to get your groove back, media. Because, let’s face facts, you kind of let yourself go a little bit for these past few years. You put on a few pundits,” he said. “Obsessing, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, about this one guy. ‘What’s Donny up to?! Did he say anything about us?! You think he’s gonna come on our show?! Do you think he even likes us? He doesn’t even have to come on. He can just call us! Oh Donny, please, just let us know you’re okay!’ ”
He continued: “And the whole time you’re all chasing after Donny, the rest of us are thinking, ‘Can’t you see he’s an a——?’ No, you try to defend him! ‘No, no, that’s just primaries Donald. That’s just election Donald. You’ll see. We can change him! He’ll get presidential!’”
“Yeah, how’d that work out?” Stewart added. “It didn’t. And you know why? Because 70-year-old men don’t get less cranky or racist as time goes by. Unless they happen to be visited by three spirits in the night.”
Stewart ended on an “encouraging” note, concluding with a pretty harsh burn:
“Here’s my point, media. Here’s my point. This breakup with Donald Trump has given you, the media, an amazing opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. Instead of worrying about whether Trump is un-American, or if he thinks you’re the enemy, or if he’s being mean to you, or if he’s going to let you go back into the briefings, do something for yourself. Self-improvement! Take up a hobby. I recommend journalism.”