He boasted of the forthcoming passage of the Republican tax plan that would come in time for Christmas, giving Americans the “biggest, fattest tax cut they’ve ever seen.”
“It’s such a big tax cut it might even make me a real billionaire,” Baldwin’s Trump says. “It’s my greatest achievement, so now I can settle down and be super-presidential — that is, until Don Lemon says something mean about me, and I tweet the actual n-word.”
To settle him down, the first lady encourages her husband to turn to trimming a Christmas tree, by hanging ornaments depicting the faces of “all the haters and losers I destroyed this year.”
A parade of familiar White House characters comes through to help them do this — and just happens to reflect special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s deepening investigation into whether Trump colluded with Russia to interfere in the 2016 presidential election.
First up is Kate McKinnon as Kellyanne Conway, saying she has chosen an ornament with “disgraced” former FBI director James B. Comey on it.
“That’s right,” Baldwin’s Trump muses. “Sadly, I had to fire Comey because he was a nutjob and because he knew all my secrets. So I had to pull a little obstruction-ay of ustice-jay.”
And what does Conway want for Christmas? Baldwin’s character asks as she finishes.
“I want … out,” McKinnon replies, before striding off the screen.
Next up is White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Aidy Bryant), who offers not one but two ornaments.
“For my ornaments, I brought Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci, whose mangled corpses I stepped over to get this job,” she says.
Beck Bennett steps forward next as Vice President Pence (albeit with a hint of an accent from Bennett’s Vladimir Putin character), who offhandedly admits he doesn’t like the Christmas song “Deck the Halls” because it includes “gay apparel” in its lyrics.
“The one I’ve brought is that traitorous Mike Flynn,” Bennett’s Pence says about his ornament, before turning to the camera and continuing with a knowing gleam in his eye. “Because he lied to us, Mr. President, and he acted alone, without our knowledge.”
The tree-trimming session is interrupted by a sudden rapping at the window. It’s Omarosa Manigault (Leslie Jones), the former “Apprentice” contestant who made headlines last week after conflicting stories emerged about her White House exit.
“Hey! Let me in!” she screams, as Secret Service agents try to intervene. “I see you in there, Donald. Nobody kicks Omarosa out the White House.”
In a surprise guest appearance, Scarlett Johansson shows up next as Ivanka Trump, to extended applause by the audience. Her portrayal as the eldest Trump child in a fake ad for a perfume called “Complicit” made waves in March, and a video of that sketch has since garnered more than 8 million views on YouTube.
At the “White House,” Johansson’s Ivanka tells her father that her husband, Jared Kushner, couldn’t be there.
“He’s packing a go bag before the FBI arrives,” she says. “I brought you a brand-new ornament: Roy Moore.”
Moore, the Republican candidate in Alabama who ran for a U.S. Senate seat, lost in an upset Tuesday to Democrat Doug Jones. Moore had spent several weeks battling accusations of sexual misconduct with teenage girls and, at press time, has not yet conceded the race.
“Poor Roy. I thought for sure he would win. Until he lost. And then I said I thought he would lose,” Baldwin’s Trump says. “At least America knows that I finally supported an accused child molester.”
Trump’s two adult sons, Donald Jr. and Eric, arrive next to show off their ornaments, the former with a long paper cutout of more than a half-dozen officials who have since left or been fired by the Trump administration and the latter with a homemade craft project. (“I made a macaroni star!” Eric Trump exclaims.)
Wrapping up the entourage is Attorney General Jeff Sessions as a tiny Elf on the Shelf (also played by Kate McKinnon), who playfully asks to put the topper on the Christmas tree: an angel with Mueller’s face on it. Trump’s legal team has stepped up its criticisms of the special counsel’s investigation, as rumors swirl the president could be moving to fire Mueller soon.
“He’s next! We got to cut off the head to kill the snake,” McKinnon’s Sessions elf says. “Merry Christmas! Everybody is going to get away with everything!”
This post has been updated with the full cold open video.