Navy Rear Adm. Ronny L. Jackson (Beck Bennett) is clearly enamored with Trump’s body, saying the president “has a gorgeous 44-inch Coke bottle waist” and “his height, 75 inches — with legs, well, they seem to go on forever.”
“It’s my expert opinion that the president’s got a rockin’ bod,” he adds.
The reporters in the sketch don’t buy it.
“Some people are saying these results are fabricated because they’ve taken even one look at the president,” says one.
“There’s been questions about the president’s mental fitness, and the White House has, of course, pushed back on that,” says a reporter, played by Kate McKinnon. “Since you’ve examined him personally, my question is: How broke that brain?”
The fake Jackson reassures reporters that Trump passed his cognitive test “with flying colors, almost no hints.”
And when asked about how the president has bragged about doing better on the test than past presidents, the doctor responds: “In fairness, no other president has been given this exam. We typically only use it to make sure someone’s not severely brain damaged, or a monkey in people clothes.”
Pete Davidson, playing himself, pops up to ask a question: Did Trump mention anything about a sexual encounter with adult film star Stormy Daniels?
Bryant’s Sanders character kicks him out, then later pushes back against skeptics of Trump’s exam results.
“The president has passed every exam we gave him — physical exam, mental exam. The Tide Pod challenge? Crushed it.”
Later in the show, SNL host Jessica Chastain delivered a monologue that was a musical tribute to the anniversary of the Women’s March. But the cold-open writers also managed to work in a joke about Trump’s Saturday tweet supporting the march (a protest movement that had been inspired in large part by his election).
“Get out there now to celebrate the historic milestones and unprecedented economic success and wealth creation that has taken place over the last 12 months,” real-life Trump tweeted.
On SNL, Bryant’s Sanders says, “I want to wish everybody a happy Women’s March. A million strong, out there to celebrate the president’s first kicka– year in office. We did it, girls!”
And yes, she also addresses the barely 24-hour-old government shutdown, too:
“President Trump maintains any deal he signs must include a border wall, and he has been consistent that it must be a solid, physical wall, with some parts see-through, some parts fenced and some parts empty spaces that just operate on the honor system,” Bryant’s Sanders said. “And it will be paid for by Mexico with U.S. taxpayer money.”