Kimmel offered that maybe the PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants who botched the envelopes last year were just trying to do a comedy routine that didn’t go over so well.
“This time, the chairman of PricewaterhouseCoopers said, and I quote, ‘Our singular focus will be on the show and delivering the correct envelopes,’ which does make sense,” Kimmel said. “Just out of curiosity, what was your focus the other 89 years?”
Then he segued into some more controversial topics.
Hollywood’s treatment of women
“Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women. We made a movie called ‘What Women Want’ and it starred Mel Gibson.”
“I remember a time when the major studios didn’t believe a woman or a minority could open a superhero movie — and the reason I remember that time was because it was March of last year.”
“Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million to reshoot his scenes [in ‘All the Money in the World’] while Michelle Williams for the reshoots got per diem — she was paid $80 a day for the same thing. And what made it especially unfair is that Mark and Michelle are represented by the same agency. And I have to admit, this story really surprised me. This one shook me, because if we can’t trust agents — who can we trust?”
“A film that’s up for 13 Oscars is ‘The Shape of Water,’ written and directed by Guillermo del Toro, a wonderful man … and thanks to Guillermo, we will always remember this year as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish.”
“The academy, as you are no doubt aware, took action last year to expel Harvey Weinstein from their ranks. There were a lot of great nominees, but Harvey deserved it the most.”
“You know the only other person to be expelled from the academy, ever, was a character actor named Carmine Caridi — in 2004, he was kicked out for sharing screeners. Carmine Caridi got the same punishment as Harvey Weinstein for giving his neighbor a copy of ‘Seabiscuit’ on VHS.”
“But what happened with Harvey, and what’s happening all over, was long overdue. We can’t let bad behavior slide anymore. The world is watching us. We need to set an example. And the truth is, if we are successful here, if we can work together to stop sexual harassment in the workplace, if we can do that, women will only have to deal with harassment all the time at every other place they go.”
“Jordan [Peele] is only the third person in 90 years to be nominated for directing, writing and best picture for his debut film. And what a debut it was. None other than President Trump called ‘Get Out’ the best first three-quarters of a movie this year.”
In the brief skit leading into the monologue: “Wow, the stunning Lupita Nyong’o — she was born in Mexico and raised in Kenya. Let the tweetstorm from the president’s toilet begin.”
“Out of the nine best picture nominees, only two made more than $100 million. That’s not the point. We don’t make films like ‘Call Me By Your Name’ for money. We make them to upset [Vice President] Mike Pence.”
On the 90th anniversary of the Oscars: “Oscar is 90 years old tonight, which means he’s probably at home right now watching Fox News.”
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