On or about February 02,2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early. Contrary to the Groundhog day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.
SPECIFICATION: The people further find and specify that due to the aggravating circumstances and misrepresentation to the people that the death penalty be implemented to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil
Gmoser said in a phone interview that waking up to snow and temperatures in the teens on the second day of spring motivated the indictment.
“When he betrays us like this, something has to be done,” Gmoser said.
Gmoser expects Phil to appeal.
“His defense will be he didn’t know his rear end from a hole in the ground,” Gmoser said.
The indictment comes just three days after TheOnion.com satirically wrote the groundhog had been beheaded for his inaccurate prediction.
To close the interview, Gmoser confided he was just having “a little fun” with the indictment.
“This is a story that has legs,” Gmoser joked. “I hope everyone understands it’s tongue-in-cheek…”