Shocking news: Walmart brand ice cream sandwiches are filled with ingredients that aren’t really that ice-creamy.

Dan Collins heard a rumor that these tasty treats loved by children and adults alike wouldn’t melt in the heat, so he decided to put them to the YouTube test. Because what else is there to do in Sioux Falls, S.D. on a Monday afternoon? (Just kidding, South Dakota. I love you.)

Dan puts the sammy on a plate in the sun, and a highly scientific clip-art image tells us that the temperature is 78 degrees. 20 minutes later, the temperature has risen to 80 degrees and the dessert is still 95% in-tact. There’s a little bit of bowing around the edges of the white, frothy “ice cream” filling, but overall this thing appears to have been engineered in a military research lab.

35 minutes into the experiment, Dan compares the Walmart sandwich to a scoop of Blue Bunny ice cream that has melting into a puddle on its plate. It really is a testament to the “Great Value” of this cookie-cream concoction — why pay for ice cream that doesn’t last two minutes when you can have a Twinkie-grade treat that will last for years in your backyard time capsule?

After the full hour, some clear, undetermined moisture has begun to seep out of the bowels of the “ice cream,” and Dan seems satisfied that his hypothesis has been proven correct.

“I don’t like it,” he says. Me neither, Dan. Me neither.

(For the food science enthusiasts out there, has written an explainer on why these sandwiches don’t melt. They explain it’s because of the guar gum and calcium sulfate that is added to the ice cream for the specific purpose of preventing melting, and of course both are perfectly natural.)

Update at 3:55 p.m.: In a statement emailed to me, Walmart spokesperson Danit Marquardt writes:

Great Value ice cream sandwiches melt. Ice cream melts based on the ingredients including cream. Ice cream with more cream will generally melt at a slower rate, which is the case with our Great Value ice cream sandwiches.

In the frozen aisles, Great Value ice cream sandwiches are one of the top sellers, and we are glad to be able to offer a great treat that families love.