Josh Lorenzo (a.k.a. AoS/Author of Sarcasm) is a longtime reader and active contributor to witty comments on the Capital Weather Gang blog. All opinions and ridiculous tales are his own.
Today is the end of meteorological summer, which runs from June to August. In September, we launch into meteorological fall, but September no longer feels part of that season.
September is thus applying to become the fourth month of summer. Its job interview follows.
Interviewer: Hello, September. I must say, your résumé is rather impressive. Labor Day, National Courtesy Month, Self-Improvement Month. Even Hobbit Day!
September: Thank you.
Interviewer: I see here that you’ve been gainfully employed with Autumn for centuries. I’m a little puzzled as to what makes you want to seek employment here at Summer?
September: It’s a good question. I just think it’s time for a new challenge. Autumn and I haven’t really seen eye-to-eye lately. Autumn’s interested in Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Oktoberfest beers.
I’m like: Hello. It’s still 94 degrees outside.
Autumn wants fire pits and Halloween candy, and these days I’m more known for late-summer thunderstorms and angry hurricanes.
Let’s face it, I’ve been the least-utilized and most-overlooked autumn month for years. Everyone yearns for October, our perennial employee of the season. Autumn’s even implemented a fleece dress code, and all I want to do is wear my bathing suit and flip-flops.
I feel my talents would be better served over here at Summer.
Interviewer: What are some of your strengths? How would do you envision fitting in here at Summer?
September: I’m a hard worker, with a sunny disposition. Technically, I usher in meteorological autumn and even actual autumn. Yet, in reality I’m the furthest thing from it actually feeling like autumn. I’ve been training to be the fourth summer month for years now.
A lot of scientists attribute it to climate change, and that may be accurate. I’m a month, not an academic, so I just want to find a season that appreciates my work.
Interviewer: What are some of your weaknesses?
September: I can be a bit hotheaded at times, easily losing my cool. When overwhelmed, I find myself in a haze.
Interviewer: Actually, those are the qualities we seek over here at Summer. So, where do you see yourself in five years, September?
September: Well, hopefully, an integral part of Summer!
All kidding aside, I’m not getting any cooler. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think a partnership with Summer would really enhance my talents, allow me to utilize what I’m good at, such as late-season heat waves and last-minute trips to the beach.
Interviewer: Are you concerned about the backlash of leaving Autumn shorthanded?
September: No. I have no doubt that October can be trained to replace what is left of my already significantly diminished role over at Autumn. Change is good, not just for individual months, but for seasons, too. Heck, there were even rumors of April and May fleeing Spring to join your ranks a few years ago. I owe it to myself to explore these potential opportunities and to find a place where I truly belong. I love Autumn, but I’ve outgrown it.
Interviewer: The days are longer over here at Summer. Is that going to be an issue?
September: No, not at all. Due to the lack of having anything to do at Autumn, the days already feel long. May as well actually make them long.
Interviewer: I see here that you’ve included Winter and Indian Summer as your references? We will contact them and go from there. In terms of salary, it would be a lateral move, at least through the probationary period. We do have some financial flexibility with the revenue we make from our eight-week-long back-to-school promotion.
Interviewer: We’ll be in touch shortly, September. Rest assured though, I think you have what it takes for a very bright future here at Summer.