HELLO, my dear Aunt and Uncle:
Yeah, I’d love to see some old baby photos one night when I’m there. And speaking of nights, that’s why I’m calling: I was wondering what your home availability was during the July week of Comic-Con…you know that extra room in the bac—what’s that? You’ve already been offered $600 a night for it? By the Comics Reporter? [Wait, how’d he even know it was your birthday?]
You know what, never mind. Speaking of photos, have you seen the tweets of high anxiety and bitter desperation, to say nothing of the distinct whiff of schadenfreude filling the air and Twitterverse and panting comics community over Hotelpocalypse? Yes, Ron Burgundy was right–it does sting the nostrils. Here, to get a sense of it, let me show you a scrapbook from the past 48 hours or so, as Travel Planners opened the San Diego hotel lottery:
[And then the full, woeful tale of Tony B. Kim.]
That’s all really something, right, dear family? Pity? No, I’m not looking for pity. No, I’m looking for four nights’ lodg–what’s that? An air mattress in the garage, right on the ping-pong table? For $601 a night??…
Yeah, sure, I’ll see you then. With baby photos. And a family scrapbook. And an old birthday card I made for you when I was 8 and I drew you guys as towering superheroes bestowing life-affirming love on us, proving that when it comes to kin, blood really is thicker than wat—what’s that? Comics Beat‘s on the other line with a bid? And with casting news that Cate Blanchett and Javier Bardem are in talks to play you guys?? How the heck did they–you know what, never mind. …
No, no, we’re confirmed. Yes-yes, I’ll bring my MasterCard, too. Thanks for holding my “room” with it.
My love to all, fam. See you in San Diego.