#Hotelpocalypse: When Comic-Con experience comes freighted with reservations

HELLO, my dear Aunt and Uncle:

Hey, hola, and greetings to my favorite San Diego residents! It’s your long-lost nephew Michael…no, the one on the East Coast…yeah, Washington…yeah, I can’t believe Congress or the White House, either.

What’s that? Well, funny you should mention Snowpocalypse, because the crazy event now roiling my life happens to be in your neck of the woods. It involves a drought of downtown hotel availability during San Diego Comic-Con International in July. Convention-goers have again affectionately dubbed this desperate digital scamper for reservations “#Hotelpocalypse” (when not #Hoteloween). …Yeah, “affectionately” is a kind of an ironic way to say “hate-dubbed.”…And yeah, it does sound as gruesome a word as “Sharknado,” only with better actors and cameos, ha ha HA h—what’s that?…

Yeah, I’d love to see some old baby photos one night when I’m there. And speaking of nights, that’s why I’m calling: I was wondering what your home availability was during the July week of Comic-Con…you know that extra room in the bac—what’s that? You’ve already been offered $600 a night for it? By the Comics Reporter? [Wait, how’d he even know it was your birthday?]

You know what, never mind. Speaking of photos, have you seen the tweets of high anxiety and bitter desperation, to say nothing of the distinct whiff of schadenfreude filling the air and Twitterverse and panting comics community over Hotelpocalypse? Yes, Ron Burgundy was right–it does sting the nostrils. Here, to get a sense of it, let me show you a scrapbook from the past 48 hours or so, as Travel Planners opened the San Diego hotel lottery:

Team HitFix won #Hotelpocalypse this year. The entire staff is close to the water. #SDCC pic.twitter.com/rY9B3OJNIo

— UPROXX Movies (@UPROXXMovies) March 24, 2015

Is it acceptable for a grown woman to cry over the hotel issues that #SDCC is experiencing right now? #Hotelpocalypse

— Megan (@mugsy211) March 24, 2015

If #SDCC #Hotelpocalypse forged a sword, it would be called Morning Ruiner and it just slayed me.

— Melanie Gasmen-Fleck (@ohmelgee) March 24, 2015

@TheNerdFu How I feel after #Hotelpocalypse #SDCC pic.twitter.com/XmUH5FGbHm

— Danny (@dannybenavides) March 24, 2015

My...11th Comic-con #Hotelpocalypse...I hear after the 25th you either ascend to a higher plane or perish in flames

— Anne Kirn⁉️ (@house_of_darkly) March 24, 2015

I gave up on waiting for my #SDCC #Hotelpocalypse email. I'm taking up this guy's offer & staying with him. pic.twitter.com/mVnVOOn4GE

— Artimus Naugin (@TheArtimus) March 27, 2015

Should I be happy or worried when I got this as my hotel? #SDCC #Hotelpocalypse pic.twitter.com/lxnbhqooRp

— WBBL Cricket Fan in Toronto (@HabsFanInTO) March 27, 2015

Oh, who really needs a room anyway? We spend most of our time here. @HallHLine @Ballroom20Line #Hotelpocalypse #SDCC pic.twitter.com/00tQ3OovJS

— Linda Takahashi (@takahmama) March 24, 2015

[And then the full, woeful tale of Tony B. Kim.]

That’s all really something, right, dear family? Pity? No, I’m not looking for pity. No, I’m looking for four nights’ lodg–what’s that? An air mattress in the garage, right on the ping-pong table? For $601 a night??…

Yeah, sure, I’ll see you then. With baby photos. And a family scrapbook. And an old birthday card I made for you when I was 8 and I drew you guys as towering superheroes bestowing life-affirming love on us, proving that when it comes to kin, blood really is thicker than wat—what’s that? Comics Beat‘s on the other line with a bid? And with casting news that Cate Blanchett and Javier Bardem are in talks to play you guys?? How the heck did they–you know what, never mind. …

No, no, we’re confirmed. Yes-yes, I’ll bring my MasterCard, too. Thanks for holding my “room” with it.

My love to all, fam. See you in San Diego.