Look, this is so incredibly stupid that you should really close this tab right this instant and go read a book. Do something useful with the few minutes of spare time you unexpectedly have in this frenetic modern world. Maybe try “Lost in the Funhouse” by John Barth. I’ve never gotten past the first page, myself, but it’s an excellent first page.
“My trouble is, I lack conviction,” Barth writes. “Many accounts of our situation seem plausible to me — where and what we are, why we swim and whither. But implausible ones as well, perhaps especially those, I must admit as possibly correct. Even likely….If (for a moodslength only) I have been able to entertain such [spiritual] notions, very popular in certain quarters, it is because our night-sea journey partakes of their absurdity. One might even say: I can believe them because they are absurd.”
And so on. It’s very 1968.
Anyhow, recently Michael Wilbon — a former Washington Post columnist — went on ESPN 980 and told Tony Kornheiser — another former Washington Post columnist — that he thought Robert Griffin III was the 2012 NFL MVP thus far. A current Washington Post professional parasite then posted a transcript of Wilbon’s thoughts on this Web site, where they became fodder for multiple ESPN discussions. One such discussion was conducted by Skip Bayless — a former San Jose Mercury News columnist — and Stephen A. Smith — a former Philadelphia Inquirer columnist.
At some point, Smith accused Wilbon and Kornheiser of being “Washington homers” and “D.C. homers” — which is sort of noteworthy, in that the same professional parasite mentioned above recently got way too much attention for suggesting that Wilbon was, in fact, the opposite of a Washington homer. What some would call a “D.C. hater,” in the modern parlance.
And now, that same parasite is back with a transcript of the former Inky columnist telling the former Merc columnist that the two former Post columnists — accused by fans of being haters — are actually homers, which is all as postmodern and metafictional as anything Barth wrote, except infinitely stupider.
And even if you were actually interested in this topic — which would make you borderline psychotic — I’ve now mucked up your screen with such a lengthy and tedious introduction that there’s zero chance you’re even down here reading said transcript.
“I think Mike Wilbon is insane,” Smith said, when asked if RGIII were the 2012 MVP. “Now let me preface my comments by saying this: we’re talking about the great Mike Wilbon, a fantastic columnist and reporter, a mentor and advisor, a friend, one of the pioneers in this business. I love him dearly. We’re very good friends. I love him, but he’s crazy.
“He’s been hanging out with Tony Kornheiser a little bit too much,” Smith continued, “and I love Tony, too. I just don’t understand some of this. I shouldn’t say I don’t understand, because when it comes to Mike Wilbon, let me tell you something about Mike Wilbon: always raise a little eyebrow when it comes to two places: D.C., where he worked for the Washington Post for many years as an outstanding columnist, one of the best in America, and Chicago, his hometown.
“He’s a little bit biased,” Smith concluded. “Mike gets a little bit excited there. I mean, Mike’s willing to come off the golf course for those two cities, I’m just telling you that right now… I think you’re just getting a little bit beside yourself, but that’s what Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser appear to do sometimes. I love ‘em both. They’re far more wise than me. But I’m not letting those Washington homers, those D.C. homers, get away with this one. No no no no no no.”
Also, musical star T.I. was involved somehow.