(Colin E. Braley/Associated Press)


At the risk of turning this blog into a full-time ESPN personality transcription service, I’d like to present some recent thoughts from Bill Simmons on the Wizards. Because any time one of the country’s most popular sports writers says a D.C. GM’s personnel decision was “the equivalent of pulling your pants down at work and exposing yourself to a female employee,” well, I can hardly ignore that, right?

These quotes come from a podcasted conversation between Simmons and his pal Joe House, one of the most enthusiastic Wizards fans I know. They were discussing whether to go over or under Vegas’ season win total for the Wiz. Listen to the podcast here. Among their observations:

Simmons on the Ariza/Okafor trade: “That trade was an absolute abomination. It was a terrible trade.”

Simmons on the rebuild: “How about the logic of you telling your fans, well, here’s the thing, free agents don’t really want to sign here anyway, we have to get creative. It’s like, you might as well just poop in a little plastic bag and just whip it at your fans. Free agents don’t want to sign here anyway? You’re like the seventh-biggest city in the league. You’ve got the [bleeping] president. It’s ridiculous.”

House: “I don’t have any rebuttal for it. It should be a destination.”

Simmons: “You are running your team wrong if free agents don’t want to sign with you. Washington should be a team that carves out cap space for people.”

House on the win total: “I was asked two weeks ago for a number, and I thought they could win as many as 37, 38. There’s enough veteran presence….But yeah, I just can’t come up with a way to get myself back up to 37 or 38 wins when the two injury risks are indefinite. You just don’t know. When’s Nene gonna come back and be healthy? I don’t know. When’s Wall gonna come back and be healthy? I don’t know.”

Simmons on the direction: “I’ve got to say, I’m stupefied by the Wizards. Just stupefied. I’m absolutely stupefied by everything they’ve done. The Nene trade was mildly defensible, but that was a bad contract. If your rationale for taking a bad contract is free agents won’t sign here anyway so what do we care, then maybe you shouldn’t be in the league. Or maybe you should sell the team to somebody who can take a better chance at it.”

House on the GM: “The biggest and most puzzling thing was re-signing Grunfeld. I’m not sure what’s the message we’re supposed to derive. If you’re coming to me, I’m a potential customer, I’m gonna buy season tickets potentially….”

Simmons on the GM: “After [his] staggering track record of success? He should have been fired after the Randy Foye and Mike Miller trade. That’s it. That’s a fireable offense.”

House: “That’s a fact. That’s a fact.”

Simmons: “That was like the equivalent of pulling your pants down at work and exposing yourself to a female employee, that trade…Fireable. I really like Ernie Grunfeld. He was Bernard King’s running mate. I like him as a person. I enjoyed his performance in the ’84 Knicks-Celtics series.”

Simmons on the Arenas years: “The Wizards were like a husband who had stopped having sex with his wife for 13 years, and they broke up, and then they started having sex with a waitress who they just met at some diner, and it was this very passionate relationship, and then eventually they’re like aw, I can’t believe I dated that diner waitress, but you were just so happy to have sex. That was the playoffs.”

House on the Arenas years: “I look back at that diner waitress fondly, I really do. Delivered the goods in one important way. We all pay prices for things in life.”

 (Via @JohnMTaylor)