(John McDonnell/The Washington Post)

I have no intentions of transcribing every word said about Robert Griffin III and his wedding registry today, but sometimes someone says something so ridiculous that it has to be shared. Often times that someone is Stephen A. Smith, and this morning was no exception.

Smith was filling in for Mike Golic on Mike & Mike on ESPN, and at one point the chatter turned to the fans who purchased wedding gifts for RGIII and his fiancee, Rebecca Liddicoat. Mike Greenberg opened the conversation with this bit of advice for the Redskins quarterback.

“Robert, you and I don’t know each other, so this is unsolicited advice,” he said. “Ignore these people. If you are going to spend any time and energy paying attention to the one percent of the population that is going to write something nasty about you no matter what you say or do, you are going to be wasting so much energy, I don’t even know where to begin.

“My unsolicited advice to RGIII is, enjoy the gifts and pay no attention to, as you call them, the Debbie Downers.”

Seems like pretty reasonable advice. Of course anything sounds reasonable when your partner is Stephen A. Smith, who went on to offer his own opinion on the matter.

“Let me be very very clear, because while I don’t disagree with a single word that you just said, Greenie, I think you’re missing the boat,” Smith said.1 “I don’t think the fans are the problem here. You know who I think the problem is? His fiancee is the problem.2 It’s her fault.

“I know people [are going to say] Steven A. needs to calm down. No, y’all calm down. I’m not being misogynistic in any way, shape, form or fashion. I’m sure she’s a wonderful, lovely lady. I’m very happy for him, their July wedding. All the best, God bless you both.

“But let me throw a little bit of the love doctor in here. Understand something. You’re a woman, you’re messing with a high-profile – I shouldn’t say messing3 – you’re involved with a high-profile dude. He has no business being a part of the wedding registry.4 Handle it yourself. He’s RGIII. No, to you he’s Robert.5 Whatever it is that you call him. It’s cute, it’s nice. But it’s none of our business. Don’t make it everybody’s business. You, I believe her name is Jennifer? Is it?6 Whatever her name is, what I’m saying is, you handle that.”

Smith continued the rant, expressing the opinion that whatever-her-name-is should have completed the registry without Griffin’s involvement.

“She could have stood up there and said, you’ve got no business being a part of this wedding registry because you’re RGIII. I will handle this.7 Sometimes, ladies. Ladies, some times you have to look out for the guy. You gotta look our for him.8 I mean, you always do in the end because women are the greatest creatures on the planet earth. But I’m just saying in situations like this, to me this is tantamount to asking him to go shopping at the mall.9 Why? He’s RGIII. Don’t do that to him.”

Hopefully someone will explain wedding registries to Smith before his inevitable rant on First Take today.

1. Actually, he squawked.

2. “Who can I blame that will get the most people riled up?”

3. Nice save.

4. Stephen A. Smith doesn’t know how wedding registries work.

5. Pretty sure to everyone, he’s Robert.

6. No. It’s Rebecca.

7. And because he’s RGIII, she’s not entitled to basic bridal pleasures, like filling out a wedding registry with her fiance.

8. Someone should be looking out for Stephen A. Smith.

9. RGIII is too big for malls.