(Via @Bryan_in_DC) (Via @Bryan_in_DC)

In the latest example of political correctness run amok, a Miami writer is objecting to the Nationals’ #EatFace movement for its cannibalistic zombie implications. Via the Miami New Times:

One little problem, D.C. Almost exactly a year before Werth’s pithy quote, Miami had a real guy who in fact ate someone’s face. And it was actually pretty horrible.

There’s still no real answer why 31-year-old Rudy Eugene brutally attacked a homeless man named Ronald Poppo near the MacArthur Causeway in May 2012. Eugene chewed off the man’s entire face before police shot and killed him. For that crime, he was forever branded the “Miami Zombie.”

I just don’t think that’s what Werth meant. So what’s next, world? I wouldn’t be surprised if sometime, somewhere, some jerk punched a pacifist Communist sympathizer in the face, and then ran off screaming about Rocking the Red. Remember when the Wizards were going on about New Traditions? Well, “Creating New Traditions is a one-time event held during the holiday season for families that have experienced a death.” Plus, RGIII’s “All In For Week 1” campaign might encourage addicted gamblers to push their stacks on unsuited 7-10, or to punch Communist sympathizers in the face, or to become zombies.

In truth, the New Times author — Managing Editor Tim Elfrink — doesn’t object to face-eating zombie imagery in sports; it’s just that he thinks Miami should have first dibs. Also, he’s possibly joking. More:

Don’t misunderstand, District of Columbia: Miamians are actually all about horribly tasteless jokes aimed at helping our teams win….In fact, not a month after Eugene’s crime, groups of fans could be seen at Marlins games rocking “Don’t Eat My Face” T-shirts.

But that’s the whole point. It’s our horrific crime, dammit. Step off, Nats.

Step off? Sir, we have lots of high curbs in this region. Many of us have twisted ankles by stepping off of them. Have a little compassion next time.

(Via Reader Zane)