“You’re not gonna like this,” my boss said the other day, approaching my desk.
I waited, staring at my shoes, running through the darkest possibilities in my head.
Turns out the bad news wasn’t particularly surprising: A dumb and worthless thing I had posted, containing a transcript of Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser talking about the Nationals, was skyrocketing up our most-read list. “It’s electric,” my boss said, pointing out that I should probably do nothing but write about the opinions of ex-Washington Post columnists.
I mean, every single time I do one of these items, at least six people note in the comments how no one in Washington cares what Michael Wilbon thinks anymore, even as Washingtonians are trampling each other in a mad dash to get to their computers and click on Wilbon transcripts. The Post should create a fake Wilbon bot to produce scripted columns bashing local sports teams. And then lay me off.
Anyhow, Wilbon happened again on Wednesday, a few hours before the Nats got swept by the Braves. The PTI dialog follows; listen here if you’d like. And please do check out the recently created Bryce Harper Jerk-O-Meter, created with love by Nats fans.
Kornheiser: Wilbon, did Harper deserve to be hit?
Wilbon: As these things go in baseball, yes.
Wilbon: Sure he did, because here’s what he did — you’re just a complete, utter homer.
Kornheiser: Well I watched the game!
Wilbon: I watched it too. And here’s the deal. First of all he ran his mouth. He said ‘We’ve got the Braves nine more times, we’ve got the Braves nine more times, let’s see.’ What I’ve seen so far is the Nationals go 0-2; 0-5 against the Braves in their own yard.
Kornheiser: Did you see Harper hit it out in one second last night? Killed it. Center field.
Wilbon: He hit a bomb, and then he pranced around the bases. He might as well have done a moonwalk. And you can get drilled, and it’s ok for Harper to yap and threaten to go out there and hit somebody.
Kornheiser: Let me say something. The fact that he hit that thing out of there so fast and so far…
Wilbon: It’s one run, so what? You sound like a guy marveling over a dunk now.
Kornheiser: He admired it a little bit too long, perhaps.
Kornheiser: And I don’t even mind if Teheran drilled him. What I mind is that Gio Gonzalez didn’t go out there and the first batter up for the Braves in the next part of the inning, he didn’t drill. Because you shouldn’t take these liberties with Harper.
Wilbon: I understand that. This is all true. But the Nationals ARE looking at a position where they hope to get the second wild-card spot. I don’t think they’re going to get there. But let’s go back to the Braves, let’s go back to something that matters, because the Nationals stink it out right now. And it is Harper – who is fabulous to watch – who said ‘We’ve got the Braves nine more times.’ Oh and two.
Kornheiser: That’s right. And he’s the guy trying to win games.
Wilbon: The Braves don’t look like Bobby Cox’s Braves. They have an edge. And they went out there and they drilled Harper – not head-hunting, by the way – they drilled him. Bobby Cox’s teams didn’t do that. The Braves are playing with an edge. These guys look great.
As for the substance of this, it’s too ridiculous to bother, but for the record…
A look at Bryce Harper’s career slowest trot Tues night – that was still 4 secs faster than JUpton’s trot from Mon! http://t.co/7jTEaKIKAE
— Tater Trot Tracker (@TaterTrotTrkr) August 7, 2013
Justin Upton just hit a home run for the Braves. His trot clocked in at 23.74 secs. For reference, Harper’s last night was 23.66 secs
— Tater Trot Tracker (@TaterTrotTrkr) August 8, 2013