(Toni L. Sandys/The Washington Post)

Obviously, as you can already tell, there’s only one reason I posted this item, and it has nothing to do with the words that follow. The words might as well be a transcript from the audio book version of Fabio’s auto-biography. Though I guess if it were an auto-biography, you wouldn’t really need to transcribe the audio, because the book would already be a transcript. Bad joke, Dan.

I could instead quote from Chekhov’s “The Lady with the Toy Dog” down here, and it wouldn’t matter, because all you will be doing right now is imagining a Harlequin Romance in which a helpless lass from Alberta is somehow forced to dangle from the rafters of a scary ice arena under siege by rogue hockey-hating Canadian Mounties, until a brave, long-haired hero emerges from the goal mouth, propels himself skyward with the help of a lanky videographer turned assistant coach, stabs all the mounties in the kidneys with his goalie stick, rappels downward using only twine from a net while holding the lass in his catching glove, and then pirouettes in front of the goal mouth just in time to block a Jaromir Jagr breakaway, at which time he tosses his lightly perspiring head backward and douses it with some cold mountain water, straight from the Yukon, thinking all the while about what sort of marinade he should put on his home-cooked pork tenderloin later that night, and whether he’ll make it in time for his bare-chested “Goalies of Saskatoon” calendar shoot the following afternoon.

“What preposterous nights, what dull empty days!” Checkhov wrote. “Furious card-playing, gourmandising, drinking, endless conversations about the same things, futile activities and conversations taking up the best part of the day and all the best of man’s forces, leaving only a stunted, wingless life, just rubbish; and to go away and escape was impossible — one might as well be in a lunatic asylum or in prison with hard labour.”

Note that this was a translation. Chekhov wasn’t actually using Canadian spellings.

Anyhow, Braden Holtby was on WTOP Thursday morning, talking about the Caps Convention. He was asked about the upcoming season under Adam Oates.

“I think we’re just all really looking forward to it,” he said. “Towards the end of last year we really got on a roll, and we started to figure out Adam’s philosophy and it really started to work for us. So we’re just excited. We all bought in at the end of last year, and we know it works this year, and we’re just really looking forward to seeing what a full season under it can do. You have to realize that it works sooner or later. There’s a certain period there where you’re kind of wondering if you’re doing the right things as a group compared to other teams, and at the start of the year, it was a bit of a struggle for us. But Adam stuck with it, and it really paid off, and we started to see that his philosophy and everything, it really works.”