The Washington Post

Sports Junkies to bury a red lobster

(Via Comcast SportsNet)
(Via Comcast SportsNet)

“Joe Gibbs, he didn’t come out of the bunker for weeks or months,” Mike Wilbon said on ESPN 980’s Sports Fix Wednesday afternoon. “And I don’t know that Mike Shanahan is even hearing, I don’t know that there’s any sense of the noise outside his office…I don’t know that Mike’s uncomfortable. Mike might just think it’s beautiful out here in Ashburn, and I’ve got a nice life, and my kid’s here, and I make a lot of money. I don’t know that he’s aware of the conversation that we’re having all the time about him.”

Let’s hope so. Because that way he’ll miss the fact that multiple ex players, from Fred Smoot to Albert Haynesworth, have begun referring to him as the Red Lobster in media interviews. And that Smoot actually put Red Lobster in a fake newspaper headline on Comcast SportsNet. And that the Junkies got to talking about this whole thing this week, and mentioned burying an actual red lobster to symbolize the end of this season, and Miss Utility got involved, and now this press release exists. In real life.

HANOVER, Md. (Nov. 21, 2013) – Miss Utility of Maryland and Washington, D.C., the region’s call-before-you-dig notification center, today announced it will sponsor the burial of a red lobster on the popular morning drive show “The Sports Junkies” on 106.7 WJFK, which will occur on Friday morning at 9 a.m….

Miss Utility sought out the sponsorship with WJFK after hearing the four hosts – John “Cakes” Auville, Eric Bickel, Jason Bishop and John-Paul Flaim – brainstorm the lobster burial on air on Monday, after the Redskins season-crushing loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. During the discussion, Auville mentioned that he and his co-hosts would have to contact Miss Utility before burying the lobster.

Failure to contact Miss Utility, which is a free service, is the leading cause for damage to underground utilities in the Maryland/Washington, D.C. area. Striking a single line when digging can cause injury, repair costs and inconvenient outages. Maryland and District of Columbia residents can contact Miss Utility by calling 811 or at

Maryland and D.C. residents should contact Miss Utility at least two full business days in advance of digging so owner-member utilities can mark the approximate location of their underground facilities with paint or flags.

“Miss Utility is always seeking creative new ways to communicate the ‘call before you dig’ message,” said Matt Ruddo, Director of Marketing for Miss Utility. “We look forward to the opportunity to remind area residents who plan to dig to first make a free call to Miss Utility at 811.”

Sponsoring the WJFK red lobster burial is the latest in a long line of recent sports-related promotions for Miss Utility. The public service organization sponsored a giveaway of a Manny Machado garden gnome at a Bowie Baysox game in August, and also sponsored All-Star Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper’s minor league baseball at bats during his time with the Hagerstown Suns in 2011.

Better get a win this week, or next week there will be headphone companies sponsoring airings of funeral dirges, and moving companies sponsoring segments about who the next coach might be, and variety stories offering specials on book-ends.

Oh, and speaking of Red Lobster, here was Kedric Golston this week:

Ultimately we all have the same goal and that’s going out there winning football games. And when you fall short of that, it’s frustrating. But that doesn’t mean your locker room is apart just because people have different opinions. Your family doesn’t break down because somebody wants to go to Chili’s and another person wants to go to Red Lobster. It’s a disagreement and you deal with that in a family, in a group.

That’s some subliminal stuff, there.

Dan Steinberg writes about all things D.C. sports at the D.C. Sports Bog.



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Sarah Kogod · November 21, 2013