Over the last few weeks, The Post has published gift guides for the home, tech gift guides, kid gift guides and locally sourced gift guides, among others. They offer some fine suggestions for gifts that will probably make your loved ones happy. Unless your loved ones are D.C. sports fans, in which case they’ll never be happy. The following alternative options may get them closer, though:
Instead of these sustainable-bamboo toothbrushes ($12.50 for four), how about this Redskins toothbrush for $26.10 (plus $5.99 shipping and handling)? It’s an inferior product for an exorbitant price, a business model only Redskins fans can truly appreciate.
Instead of this “Film noir fascinator” cocktail hat ($160), how about this equally intriguing Wizards yarmulke ($24.95)?
This herbs and spices calendar will only be good on your mom’s wall for a year, but Alex Ovechkin’s face ($29.99) is forever.
Instead of a $285 antique lightbulb for your great aunt, a less expensive and equally useful option might be this poster of Andray Blatche getting dunked on by Chris Bosh. It’s a steal at $99.
You could spend $74.99 on this FurReal Friends Cuddles My Giggly Monkey Pet, or you could teach your daughter that life isn’t always fair by getting her this rare(!) RGIII $2 bill ($7.99).
Instead of this stainless steel knife ($109.99-129.99), why not make your loved one even more threatening to strangers by buying them these Redskins false eyelashes ($8)?
Don’t even think about buying your hipster girlfriend this “Very Petite Brass Bike Necklace” ($42), when all she really wants are vintage Starter Hoyas overalls ($82).
Instead of a bamboo cheese board ($64.29), go with something far more practical: a reusable Maryland cloth diaper ($14).
Your grandma might like this Red Velvet echeveria ($28), but she’ll love these Capitals wedge high heels ($94.95).
Instead of these “lumberjack-chic” button-down shirts ($195-$215), guarantee your ex-boyfriend will stay single with this sparkly Wizards shirt ($54.95).
This BenQ W1070 Projector ($1,000) is boring. This Marilyn Monroe/RGIII T-shirt ($39.99 and up) is everything.
Instead of an Xbox One ($499), get your kid a Redskins pick they won’t even have to give to St. Louis ($1.99).