(By John McDonnell / The Washington Post)

Editor’s note: I came to Richmond for the first two days of Redskins training camp and my output, in total, attracted fewer viewers than an average PTI transcription. The pain, the pain. And so, just to pour jalapeno-laced boiling plague-infested vinegar into that wound, here’s a Skip Bayless transcript that will do better than anything I produced in Richmond. 

Skip is in this passage explaining why he believes the Redskins will win the NFC East in 2014. I’m sorry to everyone.

“I’m ready to take the plunge already,” Bayless said. “I’m going to say that RGIII will return to being the best quarterback in the NFC East, and that the Washington Redskins will win the NFC East. I’m going a little bit off the video I’ve seen of RGIII, who looks as quick and fast as he ever did pre-knee injury. I’ve talked with our friend Ryan Clark — who we’ve had here on the show, now in the Redskins secondary — who says that he is lightning. Just absolute lighting. That Ryan’s never been on the field with anybody quicker and faster than RGIII.

“I thought DeSean Jackson was the biggest difference-maker acquired by any team through the offseason, and Jay Gruden will become the good cop to RGIII, the supporter as opposed to Mike Shanahan’s bad cop and the detractor. And I think it will work wonders for RGIII’s head.

“And then I love the other moves. Jason Hatcher, late of the Dallas Cowboys, he’s a difference-maker in the defensive line for the Redskins. Orakpo should be healthy enough to be Orakpo again. Kerrigan, and then Tracy Porter, not bad to help out and shore up at cornerback. And back to Ryan Clark, they needed somebody, just a wise head in the secondary,  and I think Ryan will give them some veteran leadership and presence that they haven’t had in the secondary. All of it mixed together to me means win NFC East. And we know they can beat the Cowboys twice, so that’s no problem.”

Bayless’s other panelists then took issue with various parts of this, but I’m sorry, I must stop here.