(Alex Brandon/AP)

“Sports Illustrated for Kids,” which still holds a special place in my heart for the hours I spent reading and re-reading every page from cover to backpage Buzz Beamer comic, recently imagined what NFL stars would tell their parents about training camp in the voice of kids writing letters from summer camp.

“I’m the best camper in the game,” outspoken Seahawks DB Richard Sherman’s ‘letter’ begins. “Some sorry kid named Michael tried to step to me in arts and crafts today, asking to borrow some beads…”

You get the idea.

Here’s Robert Griffin III’s letter to his parents:

Richard III? Hark! Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious by Griffin’s adoption of the former King of England’s name, even if it was most certainly an error that escaped the eyes of the “SI for Kids” editors. (Johnny Manziel’s letter, in which the Cleveland QB laments the fact that he wasn’t among the first five picks for capture the flag, is signed ‘Johnny Football,’ not ‘Johnny Foosball,’ after all.)

Alas, #KnowethThyWhy.

Thanks to @jasonwoodmansee.