Earlier this week, Maryland released its A-Z Gameday Guide for the 2014 football season. One item in particular caught my eye:

G is for GIGANTIC: The Maryland Concessions team has been cooking up some creative new menu items including the “Chessie,” a gigantic soft pretzel baked with back fin crab dip and melted cheese (serves 4).

Hold up: A gigantic crab-dip-accented soft pretzel that serves four? How could one pretzel serve four people? Pretzels are, almost by definition, a single-person concession item. Just how big is this “gigantic” pretzel anyhow, huh?

Um. Well. From the release:

The ‘Chessie,’ named after the Loch Ness Monster’s less famous Chesapeake Bay cousin, is a monster-sized 24-ounce hot soft pretzel smothered in back fin crab dip and melted cheddar cheese, then topped with a dusting of Old Bay for two to four hungry fans.

A 24-ounce hot pretzel. That’s a pound-and-a-half of pretzel. Even if you divide it in half, that’s still three quarter-pounders per person. If you only want a quarter-pound of pretzel, you can divide this thing six ways. Man. That’s just a lot of pretzel. It will retail for $17.50.

The pending news release includes the Chessie among the items meant to introduce Big Ten fans — both “loyal returning Maryland fans” and “new guests from the Midwest — to “warm Maryland Hospitality and cuisine.” Crab meat, naturally, is featured in several other offerings, including Chesapeake nachos and crab fries, “both incorporating fresh back fin crab meat and Old Bay.”

More new things:

Maryland’s traditional pit beef and pit turkey will take on a new twist as the meats are covered in a dry rub and slow smoked for over 14 hours before being finished over an open fire and then sliced to order in front of the fans. Maryland Pulled Pork BBQ will also be slow smoked in a closed pit smoker before being laced with a specially created BBQ sauce and served on a locally baked bun.
“Curley’s Fresh” a new concourse kiosk named for the legendary Curley Byrd, will cater to fans seeking more healthy alternatives. Fans can expect freshly prepared fruit cups, hummus and pita chips, a fire roasted chicken Caesar wrap, a vegan salad and fruit juice to be served at the new kiosk.

I recommend washing down all your 1.5-pound cheese-smothered crab pretzels with vegan fruit juice. And don’t forget that the new ‘B1G’ ice cream will join “Rockin Randy” and “Fear the Turtle” selections.