Best and worst moments from Washington’s embarrassing 45-14 loss to the Giants at FedEx Field.

Worst streak: In the last 13 months, Washington is 0-8 against NFC East teams. If you can’t spot the sucker at the table, then it’s probably you. Or your favorite football team.

Worst ball security: Washington turned the ball over six times, which is kind of a lot. Kirk Cousins threw four interceptions, including three in the third quarter, which is also kind of a lot. The Redskins hadn’t turned the ball over even five times at home in 11 years. No NFL quarterback had thrown three third-quarter interceptions since 2006. It gave the entire offense an aura of comical incompetence. Save that as a possible name for the season-ending DVD.

Worst joke: The Redskins committed two penalties on Giants extra-point attempts.

Worst trend destroyers: Home teams were 3-0 on Thursday night football this season, with a 118-36 point differential. The Giants outscored the previous three road teams, combined. By a lot.

Worst actual news: Trent Williams left with a knee strain and didn’t return. A month ago, I’d have told you that Robert Griffin III and Williams were the team’s two best offensive players. Now they both could be hurt.

Worst week of quarterback controversy talk: What was wrong with us all? How could we have been so blind? Did we all take crazy potion while watching the Jaguars game? “Yes, I’d like my free toppings, but please lace the black olives with some high-quality hallucinogens.” Have we all been walking around in some sort of stupor for 12 days? We were talking about Kirk Cousins being Lou Gehrig and Tom Brady? I mean, I remember saying these things myself. These words emerged from my mouth, dribbling out, little saliva-specked blobs of craziness. Someone find the tapes from every Washington sports-radio segment over the last two weeks, and burn them. Then bury the ashes below RFK Stadium, and destroy that sucker. Put the olives in there, too.

Best stat:

Worst stat:

Roy Helu, Pierre Garcon and Logan Paulsen combined for five tackles, according to the live box score. They play offense.

Worst other stat:

Worst non-interception play: From Washington’s perspective, there were many solid contenders. But I’m going to choose one that led not to a touchdown, but just to a humble field goal. Near the end of the first half, the Giants had the ball at the Washington 40. There were just seven seconds left, and New York was out of timeouts. You figure the worst-case scenario is the Giants catch a six-or-seven yard pass, get out of bounds, and attempt a 50-yard field goal. BUT NOPE. Instead, Victor Cruz caught 29-YARD PASS, easily got out of bounds, and the Giants went into halftime with a gimme chip-shot field goal. That’s something nearly unfathomable. I’m still stunned. That’s weirder than someone named Larry Donnell scoring three touchdowns in one half. Speaking of which.

Worst explosion:

This Larry Donnell person, a tight end, scored three touchdowns for the Giants in the first half. No Giants tight end had scored three touchdowns in a game since 1962, according to the CBS broadcast crew. And no tight end had scored three touchdowns in a game against Washington since 1989, according to Comcast SportsNet’s Rob Carlin.

Best suggestion:

Worst quote: Brian Orakpo was miked up for the game. After the Giants went up 14-0, he seemed, well, confused. “I don’t know what we’re doing, man,” he said on the sidelines. “C’mon, man. I don’t know what we’re doing out there, man.” Not going into the pep talk hall of fame.

Worst boredom: Jim Nantz was talking about Derek Jeter by the fourth quarter. Also Sonny Jurgensen. Lots of Sonny Jurgensen. And Colt McCoy. These were not things you wanted to hear Jim Nantz talking about.

Worst challenge success rate: Jay Gruden is 0-for-4 after another failed challenge on Thursday night. Those four wasted timeouts are having a party together in heaven.

Worst sight: Those receivers who get hit in the head, go down limply, and then lay on the ground with their hands up in the air. That’s never not terrifying, and it happened again Thursday night, when Niles Paul gained 28 yards, lowered his head, was blasted in the helmet, and then went down hard. It’s just a nauseating thing to watch. If that doesn’t momentarily lessen your enthusiasm for NFL football, you’ve got a stronger stomach than I.

Worst personal foul call: I try to err on the side of protecting quarterbacks and protecting heads and protecting quarterbacks’ heads. But if Jason Hatcher touched Eli Manning’s helmet on the first play from scrimmage, it was with all the ferocity of a goodnight kiss to a toddler. And yet that earned Hatcher a 15-yard hands-to-the-head penalty, which seemed a bit much.

Best read option:

Finally, a healthy, running quarterback who can take off with the ball and knows how to slide after getting first-down yardage wait what? The thing Kirk Cousins did best was run the ball? That’s….a worst.

Worst fair catch: Andre Roberts has been an excellent punt returner through three games. Thursday night, though, Roberts threw up his arm for a fair catch with what appeared to be a seven-yard halo of emptiness all around him. He may not have gotten a huge return, but he almost certainly would have gotten something. Instead, Washington started at its own 27, and went three-and-out. Yes, I’m talking about a fair catch after that game. That’s like complaining that the napkins were wrinkled at a restaurant where you got botulism. But still.

Worst turnover (interception edition): Cousins threw four, and I kind of wanted to rank them, but honestly, they were all bad. They tied in badness. They all received F grades. They all smelled like mud and mold and vomit. Probably each successive one was worse, but this is like trying to differentiate between Taylor Swift live performances. Or asking “which unwashed athletic supporter smelled worst?” They all stunk, each in their own way.

Worst turnover (fumble edition): Cousins was sacked and fumbled inside his own 30. It led to a Giants touchdown and a 7-0 lead. It was kind of a sign of things to come.

Worst outlier: The Giants hadn’t scored a first-quarter touchdown since last Nov. 17, a span of eight games. Thanks to the above-mentioned fumble, that streak ended against Washington. Also, the Giants had the ball inside the Washington 10 when the first quarter ended, and needed just 46 seconds of the second quarter to reach the end zone.

Worst crowd at kickoff: Hey, it was a weeknight, and there’s awful traffic, and it was Rosh Hashanah, and the game featured two 1-2 teams. Still, this is a lot of empties. (Note: I was comfortably watching from home, as always.

Worst fourth-quarter crowd: And somehow, things got worse as the game went on. Because everyone who wanted the home team to win left when they were getting massacred, which is perfectly understandable, but many people who wanted the Giants to win stayed behind.

Best halftime snack:

Apples and honey.

Best halftime drink: Whiskey.

Worst game day attire: If you’re thinking about wearing this to the next game, maybe instead go down to the Mall and offer some performance art for 10 or 15 minutes. Maybe in the sculpture garden. While juggling kumquats. And reciting ‘Howl.’ And then put on jeans and a sweatshirt and go to to the game.

Worst schedule: Washington’s next two games are against the defending Super Bowl champion Seahawks, and the 3-0 Cardinals. Enjoy the weekend, though.