It was an odd week for Joe Jacoby. First he welcomed his first grandchild into the world, which was great. Then he found out that he didn’t make it into the Pro Football Hall of Fame despite being a strong first-time finalist, which was disappointing. Then he starred in a local Super Bowl halftime ad for gas fireplaces, in which he appeared to hint at a brutal hit-job on an unsuspecting man who failed to buy a gas fireplace. Which was good, I think.

“Buy a gas fireplace,” Jacoby says repeatedly in the spot, which made at least a few viewers think of his legendary 1980s commercial hawking Theater Vision televisions.

In the ad, Jacoby first hoists a glass of wine or possibly cranberry juice when advising a woman who just wants a romantic night at home with her husband, telling her to “buy a gas fireplace.”

Then he helps out a young lass who just wants to know why her home is always so cold, telling her to “buy a gas fireplace.”

And then finally some poor sap manages to cut off the final three fingers on his right hand while chopping wood, somehow deciding to bandage up the rest of his hand while leaving the gaping wound spurting blood and gore.

“You should have bought a gas fireplace,” an ax-holding Jacoby smirks, which just raises so many questions, not least of which is whether Jacoby actually chopped off the man’s three fingers as retribution for him failing to buy a gas fireplace, and if so, mightn’t he do the same thing again, possibly even to you?

And if not, why is he holding the ax? Just to taunt the sucker? Is there, in fact, any blood or DNA on that ax? And anyhow, if Jacoby owns eight gas fireplaces, why does he even own that ax? Is it his Finger Ax?

I’d be tempted to say this ad was my favorite moment from the Super Bowl, but really my favorite moment was probably the first bite of veggie chili, or maybe the halftime show when that band played those catchy hit tunes, or possibly Denver’s defensive touchdown, which was entertaining in the way all unexpected scoring plays are entertaining, and which is my top piece of evidence for everyone who has called that game hideous. Surprising and delightful defensive touchdowns are just as entertaining as five-yard scoring passes. This was a close game until the very final minutes, and it included fun moments like two-turnovers-on-one-play hijinx, and Joe Jacoby ax crimes. How was that not entertaining?