Join us here at your one-stop spot for coverage of Super Bowl XLVII, from the game between the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers in New Orleans to the commercials to Beyonce at halftime and the buzz.
If you think the best part of the Super Bowl is the commercials, watch and re-watch the ads from Super Bowl XLVII.
Thanks for joining us for the Super Bowl XLVII experience. We’ll be back in the morning to make more sense of the commercials, the blackout and the Ravens’ stunning victory.
The victory was especially sweet for two Ravens with Bayou ties, Ed Reed and Jacoby Jones.
After leaving our set, Ed Reed heads to the stands to hug some fans. say.ly/Ail56pp
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) February 4, 2013
Jacoby Jones and Jacoby Jones Jr. twitter.com/TomRock_Newsda…
— Tom Rock (@TomRock_Newsday) February 4, 2013
The product: Samsung
The premise: Funnymen Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd are both called in to Samsung HQ for a meeting about their “Next Big Thing” ads — but they’re battling each other over who truly deserves the gig. Cameo appearance: LeBron James.
The punchline: Rudd gets some of the best lines against Rogen: “I’ve never seen you so excited about something that isn’t food.” “Are you sure you aren’t here to see a guy named Sam Sung?” But then the commercial takes another meta turn, skewering the other commercials that have come before it, as Rudd and Rogen pitch ideas: Talking babies (E-trade), Asian rappers (Wonderful Pistachios) and sending a guy into the galaxy (Axe).
The verdict: Super funny. Looks like the Super Bowl saved the best for last.
In one of the weirdest Super Bowls ever, the Baltimore Ravens held on to beat the San Francisco 49ers, 34-31.
(That sobbing sound you hear is Ray Lewis going out a champion. That other sound was Joe Flacco dropping an f-bomb on CBS and the “f” doesn’t stand for Flacco.) And the first battle of the Harbaughs goes to John, who is older than his brother Jim by 15 months.
John Harbaugh starts by leading a big cheer for O.J. Brigance, who played on the Ravens’ first Super Bowl team and is suffering from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
As for how how team managed to hold on all season and in a game plagued by a power outage, he said: “How could it be any other way?” he told CBS’s Jim Nantz. “We talk to the guys all the time [about how] it’s never pretty, it’s never perfect, but it is us.”
Finally, after two weeks of hype, John Harbaugh spoke of just how difficult it was to face his brother.
“It was really hard. The end of the game was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I told him I loved him.”
Lewis was typically emotional, although less tearful than one might expect.
“When God is for you, who can be against you?” Lewis said, trying to take the mic from Nantz. “It’s no greater way as a champ to go out on your last ride [than] with the men that I went out with, my teammates. You look around this stadium and, Baltimore, we’re coming home baby!”
With that, he hoisted the Lombardi Trophy triumphantly.
The product: Mercedes Benz CLA
The premise: A young actor (up-and-comer Sebastian Beacon) Considers selling his soul to the devil, played by Willem Dafoe, for a Mercedes and all that comes with it — including partying with supermodel Kate Upton and Usher.
The punchline: But then he realizes he doesn’t have to sell his soul — the car is not as expensive as it looks, so he can buy it.
The verdict: Way better than the Mercedes ad where Kate Upton washes the car.
The Ravens lead, 34-29, but the 49ers, helped by a 33-yard run from Frank Gore, have the ball on the five-yard line with 2 minutes left to play in this most bizarre of Super Bowls.
They can’t get the job done, though, with two passes falling incomplete. The Ravens take over on downs. 49ers Coach Jim Harbaugh desperately — in his usual freaking-out way while, surreally, “Gangnam Style” was playing — wanted a holding call, but didn’t get it. No one’s going to get that call this late in a wacky game like this.
The product: Sodastream in-home carbonation systems
The premise: Every time you use a Sodastream, you’re saving plastic by not purchasing soda from the store. Do you feel guilty about that Coke or Pepsi in your hand yet?
The punchline: …And Sodastream conveys this by exploding crates of soda bottles in convenience stores and delivery trucks. It looks almost malicious when some of the Sodastream users press the button, like they should be cackling maniacally as soon as their diet mixed berry soda is properly carbonated.
The verdict: For such a bubbly product, this commercial could have used a little more fizz. For the record, Sodastream’s first commercial, which went directly after Pepsi and Coke, two of the Super Bowl’s biggest spenders, was rejected. You can see both below.
The product: Tide laundry detergent
The premise: A 49ers fan finds a miracle Joe Montana stain on his jersey, and considers it to be a religious experience and good omen for the game.
The punchline: … Until his wife, a Ravens fan, uses Tide to wash it.
The verdict: Spot-on tone and execution. Perfect for the Super Bowl.And with the score so close at this point in the game, that 49rs fan may get his miracle after all.
How good was Beyonce’s halftime show?
The Post’s Chris Richards watched and reviewed her performance:
Musically, Beyonce’s performance was serviceable, but physically, this was the sexiest Super Bowl halftime since 2004 when Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson’s notorious wardrobe malfunction ushered in six consecutive years of classic rock mini-concerts from the likes of Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen and the Who.
Heavy on smoke, strobe lights, impressive video screen trickery and explosive choreography, Beyonce’s Sunday night performance didn’t eclipse any of her rock-and-roll elders’, but it did improve on recent efforts from the Black Eyed Peas and Madonna. She ended her eye-popping gig with a humble bow and a warm smile.
The product: Kia Sorento
The premise: Where do babies come from? One flustered dad fumbles the answer to this question when he tells his kid that they’re the product of another planet that sends babies and puppies and piglets to earth (babies AND baby animals = Super Bowl jackpot!).
The punchline: It’s heavy with double entendre — spaceships penetrating Earth’s orbit, and the like.
The verdict: It’s the commercial most blatantly about sex tonight, but it’s not sexy – it’s sweet.
With a 15-yard run by quarterback Colin Kaepernick, the San Francisco 49ers have stormed back since power was restored in the Superdome and trail the Ravens, 31-29.
A game that was a snoozefest is now a classic, with most of the fourth quarter remaining. And the 49ers’ failed two-point conversion puts David Akers, their struggling kicker, back in the conversation.
Kapernick just Kaepernicked his way to the Kaeperzone and Kaepernicked
— BuzzFeed Sports (@BuzzFeedSports) February 4, 2013
Maybe the problem with the Superdome is that it’s too energy-efficient. Maybe that’s why the lights went out just a day after the Energy Department sent out a news release praising energy efficiency in New Orleans and at the, ahem, Superdome.
While the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers compete to hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy this weekend, eco-friendly fans and city leaders in New Orleans are competing to maximize sustainability practices to the fullest.
To make this the greenest Super Bowl, the New Orleans Host Committee has partnered with fans and the community to offset energy use across the major Super Bowl venues. The exterior of the Mercedes-Benz Superdome features more than 26,000 LED lights on 96 full-color graphic display panels, designed to wash the building in a spectrum of animated colors, patterns and images. The system draws only 10 kilowatts of electricity — equivalent to the amount of energy used by a small home — and the lights are expected to last for many years before needing replacement.
Off the football field, New Orleans is embracing energy efficiency with help from the Energy Department. The city retrofitted four libraries using an integrative design approach — adding motion sensor lights, energy-efficient heating and cooling systems, and upgrades to the building envelopes. These improvements helped cut the libraries’ energy costs by 30 percent and serve as a standard for other city-owned buildings. New Orleans streets feature more than 1,200 energy-efficient light fixtures. In addition to saving the city money on energy costs — an estimated $70,000 annually — the new lights help the city reduce routine maintenance due to their longer lifespan.
Embracing energy efficiency and renewable energy is having a profound impact on attracting developers and private industry in the New Orleans’ re-building efforts. The push to re-invent this destination city contributes to making Sunday’s game the greenest in Super Bowl history.
H/T Ed O’Keefe
The product: Budweiser
The premise: It’s horses, not dogs, that are man’s best friend.
The punchline: After a man raises his Budweiser Clydesdale from infancy (AWWW, BABY HORSE), they are reunited after a parade.
The verdict: Cuter than the Puppy Bowl. Says the reporter who wrote a 5-page story about the Puppy Bowl, so that’s saying a lot.
The product: Beck’s Sapphire / Anheuser-Busch
The premise: In this commercial for “Black Sapphire” beer, an animated fish serenades his beer with the 1990s hit “No Diggity” by Blackstreet, telling his brew that he likes the way she “works it.”
The punchline: I guess it’s bringing a whole new meaning to “drinking like a fish.”
The verdict: Is this Finding Nemo’s boozy cousin?
It’s official: Les Moonves is the luckiest Big Media mogul alive now that momentum changed in Super Bowl after power outage.
— Nikki Finke (@NikkiFinke) February 4, 2013
The Ravens are suddenly the ones making all the mistakes, and they just made a big one. San Francisco kicker David Akers, who has been wildly unreliable throughout this season, missed a field goal wide left after the 49ers’ drive stalled.
Only a Baltimore player ran into Akers, giving him another try on fourth down — and five yards closer. Yep, he made it the second time, and a team that once trailed by 22 points (in this same quarter!) now trails by five.
The product: Lincoln
The premise: Lincoln asked viewers to tweet about their most memorable roadtrips. In this one, a German student hitches a ride with a pretty American girl, and they happen upon an alpaca farm, an extraterrestrial movie set, and…
The punchline: SPOILER ALERT: They fall in love and live happily ever after.
The verdict: Is this a commercial, or a trailer for the newest Katherine Heigel rom-com?
The product: Wonderful Pistachios
The premise: Pistachios! They are wonderful.
The punchline: It was inevitable that we’d see Psy this Super Bowl Sunday. Naturally, he’s doing his invisible horse dance with some nuts that strip out of their shells.
The verdict: Gangnam Style. So 2012.
The Ravens are trying to catch their breath, and to make matters worse, nose tackle Haloti Ngata just went to the sideline with an injury. He has a knee injury, and his return is doubtful.
Ngata is one of the Ravens’ best defenders, and they were already having a difficult enough time stopping the resurgent 49ers.
The product: Gildan t-shirts
The premise: After a crazy one-night stand involving fuzzy handcuffs, a dude tries to escape without waking the woman he hooked up with.
The punchline: … except she’s wearing his favorite t-shirt, and he needs to find a way to get it off of her.
The verdict: GAH. This one is bad. The notion that a guy needs to sneak away to escape a woman he slept with, and the implication that she is crazy or promiscuous because of the handcuffs…. No, Gildan, no.
The 49ers have everything working all of a sudden, and if San Francisco makes this interesting, Baltimore coach John Harbaugh might blow a gasket. Before the 34-minute delay at the Superdome, the Ravens were destroying the 49ers. After the downtime, the 49ers are suddenly in charge and have everything working on their offense.
A game that seemed out of reach for San Francisco is now a one-possession contest.
The product: Kia Forte
The premise: A sexy robot, played by former Miss USA Alyssa Campanella, is the guardian of a new Kia Forte.
The punchline: …So when a customer inspects the car, she throws him across the room.
The verdict: The whole commercial is a bit too much of an inside joke about “Booth babes” and pushy journalists at auto shows, as Edmunds explains.
The league’s communications office has issued the following statements about the power outage at the Superdome:
Eric Eagan, Superdome spokesman: “Power has been restored. We sincerely apologize for the incident.”
Statement from an unnamed NFL spokesman: “Stadium authorities are investigating the cause of the power outage. We will have more information as it becomes available.”
The product: Mio Fit
The premise: Great American Tracy Morgan expounds on the topic of change.
The punchline: …Not the political kind, but the kind that “change[s] man bands into boy bands” and chickens into nuggets. Oh, and sports drinks into Mio Fit.
The verdict: I miss “30 Rock” already.
The product: Axe Apollo body spray/ other assorted manly products
The premise: A hunky lifeguard rescues a damsel in distress who is being pursued by a shark. But when he brings her to shore and they gaze longingly into each other’s eyes…
The punchline: She looks right past him to see another musky Axe Man in a space suit, because Axe is having a contest to send someone to space.
The verdict: Can we just send everyone who wears Axe to space? We can keep the lifeguard who punches the shark.
At this moment, it seems that just one touchdown is only a small move in the right direction for San Francisco — the 49ers trail 28-13 — but quarterback Colin Kaepernick is heating up by doing what he does best: play like a backyard quarterback.
He dropped and threw deep several times on that touchdown drive, and he also scrambled for a long run, as well. This is a big deficit to expect a team to bounce back from, but Kaepernick made a happen this postseason of doing some pretty wild things in difficult times.
Twitter users are calling out the worst representations of women in advertisements with the hashtag #notbuyingit, at the encouragement of “Miss Representation,” a documentary about negative portrayals of women in the media. They’re keeping a leaderboard of the worst offenders tonight — and, no surprise, the leader is Go Daddy, with its sexist “Kiss” and “Big Idea” commercials.
Also attracting the ire of viewers: Audi’s “Prom,” in which a teenage boy forcefully grabs and kisses an unsuspecting girl, and Calvin Klein, for objectifying a male model — which is also not OK in Miss Representation’s book.
Kelly, can you handle this?
And the winner is Oreo:
Power out? No problem. twitter.com/Oreo/status/29…
— Oreo Cookie (@Oreo) February 4, 2013
The lights have been off at the Superdome for some reason for nearly 15 minutes, and players are trying to pass the time by stretching and jogging down the sideline. Some are throwing footballs.
A few minutes ago, Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed tried to rouse the restless crowd by running down the sideline for a quick rally. It didn’t long, and chants and boos have continued to break out.
The lights seem to be slowly coming back, and now a fire alarm has sounded. So that’s cool.
The product: E-Trade
The premise: It’s the Super Bowl, and that means it’s time for another installment of Oh Look It’s That Talking Baby Again.
The punchline: This year, he’s blowing stacks of cash that he earned via E-Trade by hanging out in a hot tub with a panda, going to space, bidding on portraits of himself, and other adult activities (but not too adult– despite his bundles of money, the obvious “making it rain” joke was bypassed).
The verdict: Yawn. (Related: Oh Look That Talking Baby is Like, Six Years Old Now)
The product: Century 21 real estate agents
The premise: Terrified at the thought of living with his mother-in-law, a groom faints at the altar.
The punchline: New, terrible catchphrase: “Is there a Century 21 agent in the house?” But instead of medical attention, he gets a starter home. The joke’s on him, though — it’s only a few blocks away from the mother-in-law he’s trying to escape.
The verdict: The first strike against Century 21. I’ve previewed their other three Super Bowl commercials on our video player, and they get more sexist from here on.
In an embarrassing moment for CBS, the NFL, New Orleans, the Super Bowl and the entire sports-viewing universe, a power failure has hit the Superdome — and just as everyone was commenting that this game felt like it was over with the Ravens taking a 28-6 lead.
The NFL has had no announcement about the cause of the power outage, which has lasted over 20 minutes. Head referee Jerome Boger told CBS that power would be on in 7-to-10 minutes, which would make for an delay of 34 minutes, 55 seconds.
CBS is reporting that the problem is with an outside source that provides power to the stadium. ESPN reported that, according to police officials, the problem occurred when too much electricity was pumped in and caused a surge.
As officials spoke with Ravens Coach John Harbaugh, he seemed agitated. His Ravens had just come out of the lengthy halftime show and had scored on a kickoff return by Jacoby Jones.
Meanwhile, players spent time stretching on the field…because what else would they do?
This is the second time, though, that this has happened to the 49ers. A little over a year ago, in a “Monday Night Football” game in Candlestick Park, the lights went out.
Is this the part when Bane comes out with a kidnapped nuclear physicist?
— Peter Hamby (@PeterHambyCNN) February 4, 2013
Someone just got fired! #NoPowerSuperBowl
— Nolan Harrison III (@NolanHarrison74) February 4, 2013
So the lights just gonna cut off lol that’s crazy….
— Josh Cribbs (@JoshCribbs16) February 4, 2013
In my day we didn’t need electricity to play.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) February 4, 2013
Baltimore continues to roll, and Jacoby Jones might have just iced it for the Ravens. His 109-yard kickoff return to start the second half is a Super Bowl record, and Baltimore has the San Francisco 49ers in all kinds of trouble.
It’s 28-6, but it has so far been such a lopsided affair, the 49ers need a quick response to even stay in this game.
The not-so-secret secret guests at the Super Bowl halftime show: Kelly Rowlands and Michelle Williams, for a Destiny’s Child reunion. It provoked many a tweet like this:
DUDE DESTINY’S CHILD JUST POPPED UP OUT OF THE GROUND
— Arabella Jones (@TheArabella) February 4, 2013
Except: True to Queen Bey’s reputation for pushing aside her co-stars, many people were wondering why Rowlands’ and Williams’ voices were so quiet.
Beyonce: “I want Destiny’s Child back together but your microphones will barely be audible. Yes, I’ll pay you.” Them: “DEAL!”
— Jonathan Diener (@jonodiener) February 4, 2013
Cue the jokes about how the other Destiny’s Children haven’t reached the kind of stratospheric fame that Beyonce has:
The non-beyonce destiny’s child members exited the stage directly back into the small cages they’ve been living in since charlie’s angels.
— Blockhead (@BlockheadNYC) February 4, 2013
*other Destiny’s Child members put on smocks, go back to jobs at concession stand*
— Eric Ledgin (@iamledgin) February 4, 2013
It’s crazy that the other two members of Destiny’s Child were available for the Super Bowl on such short notice.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) February 4, 2013
If I had been in Destiny’s Child, I would not have stayed in shape all this time.
— ali waller (@imaliwaller) February 4, 2013
Pretty sure the FCC is already filling out the wardrobe malfunction paperwork.
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) February 4, 2013
Looks like we are moving toward a wardrobe malfunction…
— Charean Williams (@NFLCharean) February 4, 2013
Eh. Tom Petty was hotter.
— SportsPickle (@sportspickle) February 4, 2013
“I miss Paul McCartney” — nobody
— Gregg Doyel (@GreggDoyelCBS) February 4, 2013
— Donte’ Stallworth (@DonteStallworth) February 4, 2013
And then there was this:
Destiny’s Child BACK twitpic.com/c0qiby
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) February 4, 2013
Mentions of ‘Beyonce’ vs. mentions of ‘Super Bowl’ twitter.com/jaredbkeller/s…
— Jared Keller (@jaredbkeller) February 4, 2013
Midway through Super Bowl XXLVII and the stats sheet clearly shows what separates the Ravens and 49ers: quarterback play and the turnover battle.
Of the 46 teams to hoist the Lombardi Trophy, 34 of them won the turnover battle. The Ravens have forced two turnovers, given up none and lead 21-6 at the half.
While Colin Kaepernick has looked timid and indecisive at times, Joe Flacco is putting up a career game that Baltimore could be talking about for a long time. Flacco is 13 of 20 passing for 192 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions. Kaepernick is 8 of 13 for 139 yards and one interception.
Ray Rice has 31 rushing for the Ravens while Frank Gore has 29 for San Francisco.
Vernon Davis leads all receivers with 72 yards on four catches.
Let’s quickly go back to the play before the play.
Joe Flacco hit Jacoby Jones for the Ravens’ third touchdown of the game. But right before that, on second-and-10 from the Baltimore 44, Flacco also went deep, targeting receiver Torrey Smith. It looked for a moment like the pass would be complete — to 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver. Replays sure made it look like Smith might’ve helped make sure that ball fell to the ground. Officials ruled the pass incomplete and no flags were thrown.
On the next play, Flacco went after Culliver again, finding Jones and giving Baltimore a big 18-point lead.
The product: Skechers Go Run 2 running shoes
The premise: These shoes make you very fast. Fast enough to outrun a cheetah.
The punchline: Fast enough to wrestle said cheetah to the ground and fist-pump your bro, the gazelle.
The verdict: Could make nature shows more exciting.
The product: Taco Bell
The premise: When some octogenarians bust out of their retirement home, they get into all kinds of teenage trouble: Regrettable tattoos, public displays of affection, breaking and entering, pyrotechnics, and finally, some late night Taco Bell.
The punchline: Depending on your opinion of Taco Bell: “Taco Bell keeps you young!” or, “Taco Bell encourages terrible behavior!”
The verdict: The directors found some great character actors — especially that guy who presses his nipple against the restaurant window — and a cool Spanish-language rendition of “We Are Young,” by the band fun, who got popular after being in a series of Nissan commercials for last year’s Super Bowl. True to the band’s name, it’s easily one of the most fun commercials of the Super Bowl this year.
Suddenly Joe Flacco’s move is to just chuck it deep and see what happens. Worked against the Denver Broncos. Worked earlier tonight when he scrambled to avoid trouble. And it just worked in a huge way when Jacoby Jones streaked past the secondary.
Flacco threw deep — he actually badly underthrew Jones — but Jones caught it as he fell, and because he was untouched, he got back up and beat two defenders to the end zone. Good on Flacco, good on Jones, and better on the Ravens, who now have a 21-3 lead.
By the way: Flacco now has 11 touchdowns this postseason, tying him with as the record holder Joe Montana and Kurt Warner.
The product: Subway sandwiches
The premise: It’s the 15-year anniversary of Jared’s weight loss via Subway, and a collection of stars have gathered to congratulate him.
The punchline: Look, it’s RGIII!
The verdict: RGIII!
Samantha Gordon, the 9-year-old Utah girl who became a YouTube sensation because of her preternatural ability to play football like both Walter Payton and Lawrence Taylor, is blogging from the Super Bowl for ESPNW.
And, during the game, she had a special visitor.
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) February 4, 2013
In The Commish’s suite!!! twitter.com/Sam_Gordon6/st…
— Sam Gordon (@Sam_Gordon6) February 3, 2013
At the rate she’s going, she may have his job by the time she’s a teenager.
The product: Coke
The premise: An interactive commercial: Showgirls vs. cowboys vs. badlanders, all on a race through the desert for Coke.
The punchline: The commercial continues online — You can vote for who you want to win, and put obstacles in front of their opponents in choose-your-own-adventure-style videos that play on cokechase.com. For example, one delay sends a chicken crossing the road in front of the badlanders, delaying them by 16 seconds.
The verdict: Cool idea, but how many people will tear themselves away from the game to vote?
The ad that Pepsi made in response, which debuted on Funny or Die, is even better: It depicts the Coke chase actors thumping on a vending machine that refuses to produce a Pepsi. It’s funnier than Pepsi’s actual ad.
Cary Williams provoked a fair amount of anger after the 49ers and Ravens skirmished briefly.
Cary Williams is lucky he’s still in the game
— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) February 4, 2013
Looking at that scrum on TiVo, Cary Williams of Ravens should absolutely have been throw out of the game…
— Michael Wilbon (@RealMikeWilbon) February 4, 2013
How does Cary Williams not get ejected for shoving an official? Wow. Embarrassing.
— Ralph Vacchiano (@RVacchianoNYDN) February 4, 2013
Are we all supposed to pretend Cary Williams didn’t just shove the hell out of the official?
— Homer McFanboy (@HomerMcFanboy) February 4, 2013
The product: Volkswagen
The premise: An average white guy’s Volkswagen makes him happy.
The punchline: …So happy that he speaks with a Jamaican accent. “You know what dis room needs? A smile,” says the man. “Who wanna come wit I?”
The verdict: So is this ad racist? The spot has been a controversial topic ever since the company released it earlier this week. New York Times columnist Charles Blow called it “blackface with voices,” but VW’s chief marketing officer said the commercial was tested with actual Jamaicans, and that reggae star Jimmy Cliff’s appearance should convince people that it’s OK.
The Post’s Paul Farhi wrote about the controversy, interviewing VW’s spokesperson: “If you look at the whole intent of the commercial for us, it’s about making people happy,” said Scott Vazin, a VW spokesman. “The idea is to put a smile on your face. It’s simple and human and humorous.”
Nevertheless, the first time I saw it, I felt a little bit squidgy about the whole thing — what do you think?
Ravens coach John Harbaugh, who made his name as a special-teams coordinator before getting his first head-coaching job in 2008, just attempted a major gamble late in the second quarter. With a chance to kick a field goal and push Baltimore’s lead to 17-3, Harbaugh instead tried a fake field goal.
Kicker Justin Tucker took a direct snap and ran to his left, but he was stopped just short of the first-down marker. So the Ravens leave the field with no points, and the 49ers have a chance to get their act together and put some points on the board before the half.
The product: Hyundai Sonata
The premise: When you’re driving a Hyundai, the turbo engine will help you get past all kinds of unpleasant views on the road.
The punchline: Especially when you’re stuck with an unpleasant view of a pair of horse rear-ends, a soon-to-ignite fireworks truck, a cargo that may involve toxic waste, or some slobbery dogs.
The verdict: The Hyundai is nice and all, but I am very concerned for the welfare of the firework truck driver.
San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick looks rattled and unreliable, but keep in mind this plays into the postseason trend for Kaepernick and the 49ers. Kaepernick threw an interception on his first series against Green Bay in the divisional round, and the 49ers were down big in the first half in the NFC championship game.
Sure enough, the 49ers came back to win. When halftime arrives in a few minutes, it’s highly likely that Ravens coach John Harbaugh will remind his team of these facts.
The product: Milk
The premise: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s kids are desperate for milk — so he bounds into a city overtaken by chaos to find some. Nothing can distract him from his milk mission, not even bank robbers, aliens or lions on the loose — which makes him kind of a jerk, right? He’s basically playing the same role he’s played in every tough-guy-dad flick he’s ever done (“The Tooth Fairy,” “The Game Plan”)
The punchline: Only after the milk is produced can The Rock get to work. Work as a superhero, that is, not a manny.
The verdict: More tired than The Rock is going to be after he fights off all of those aliens.
Since returning to the game, Ed Reed has grimaced and his knee appeared to be bothering him. But nothing was going to stop him from intercepting Colin Kaepernick’s first-down pass. It went right to Reed.
Following the interception, a near-brawl broke out on the field. After off-setting unnecessary roughness penalties, the Ravens took over the San Francisco 38-yard line.
It was Reed’s ninth career postseason interception, tied for the most NFL history. The errant pass also marked the first interception a San Francisco quarterback has ever thrown. Neither Joe Montana nor Steve Young ever threw a pick on the NFL’s biggest stage.
On sports’ biggest stage, Baltimore quarterback Joe Flacco is playing his way toward an enormous offseason payday. The Ravens have so far avoided extending Flacco, and until the playoffs, maybe that was a decent idea. But now that he has thrown 10 touchdown passes to zero interceptions in the postseason, he looks more and more like an elite quarterback.
That, of course, carries a hefty price tag, and Flacco will be a free agent after this game. The Ravens could sign Flacco to a new deal, or they could sign him to the exclusive franchise tag. Considering the franchise option would be only a one-year deal and would cost Baltimore about $20 million, the Ravens would be better to just pay the man and lock him up long-term.
Joe Flacco’s terrific postseason run continues and that means only one thing: everyone’s going to be talking silly talk about whether he’s “elite.”
(If you have “elite” in your Super Bowl drinking game, good night.)
Well, it also means he’s in for a big, big payday when the season is over.
— Jon Zimmer (@NFLhistory) February 4, 2013
The product: Go Daddy
The premise: Wives around the world are harping on their husbands for not putting their big idea online.
The punchline: But one millionaire guy and his wife have the last laugh — they registered their domain name first.
The verdict: At first, I thought: “Can it be? A Go Daddy ad without bikini-clad babes?” But look further and you’ll see that this ad is just as sexist as the rest of the company’s offerings. Why are the women all so angry? Why are the men the only ones allowed to have great ideas?
The product: Bud Light
The premise: One superstitious fan will do whatever it takes to see the 49ers win — including collecting a bunch of items from New Orleans to make a football voodoo doll.
The punchline: Stevie Wonder, who apparently is a master of the dark arts when it comes to football, helps him out. Except his friend, a Ravens fan, has some of Wonder’s magic too.
The verdict: A nice Super Bowl-specific joke.
The 49ers not only fumbled away the football in the second quarter — they gave the Ravens all the momentum, too.
Joe Flacco hit Dennis Pitta for a 1-yard touchdown pass midway through the second quarter to give the Ravens a 14-3 lead. The Ravens moved with ease down the field, going 75 yards on 10 plays in just 4:43.
On the drive, Flacco targeted his two tight ends, hitting Pitta twice (the other was good for nine yards) and Ed Dickson for gains of 23 yards and 14.
Baltimore has now scored touchdowns on their past 10 trips inside the red zone.
The product: Cars.com
The premise: Buying a car is so easy that a couple craves a little drama. So, they’re handed a puppy.
The punchline: …that turns out to be a baby wolf. Whose mother is standing nearby, snarling. How’s that for drama?
The verdict: That tiny wolf reminds me — how is the Puppy Bowl going? Have the puppies won yet?
The product: Calvin Klein Concept men’s underwear
The premise: Just a very attractive man, wearing underwear.
The punchline: Hey ladies and gay men! We realize you watch the Super Bowl too, and this is a little gift from us to you. Love, Calvin Klein.
The verdict: Objectification goes both ways, fellas.
Why is Tom Brady doing Calvin Klein commercials?
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) February 4, 2013
The product: Doritos
The premise: A little girl wants her dad to play with her, but he is about to go hang out with the guys. But when he sees that she has Doritos, he changes his mind.
The punchline: And before you know it, he’s wearing makeup and a dress. His buddies come to look for him, and soon enough, they’re eating Doritos in princess costumes too.
The verdict: The implication that a dad doesn’t want to spend time with his daughter unless she bribes him with Doritos is problematic, to say the least.
San Francisco rookie LaMichael James will have a tough time shaking off his first impact play of the Super Bowl. The 49ers reached the Baltimore 24-yard line when Colin Kaepernick handed the ball off to James.
The rookie opted to go wide, scrampering around the right end but as cornerback Corey Graham and linebacker Courtney Upshaw went for the tackle, they managed to strip the ball loose. Defensive end Arthur Jones dove on the ball for Baltimore.
The Ravens took over possession on their own 25-yard line.
With 14 minutes, 52 seconds left in the first half, we have our first shot of Jack and Jackie Harbaugh watching their sons coach — have you heard about this? — in Super Bowl XLVII.
The parental units, who usually watch their sons’ games from the basement of their Wisconsin home, had said they’d be watching at a supersecret location in the Superdome, far from cameras.
Evidently not far enough.
San Francisco 49ers tight end Vernon Davis, a Washington native, is back on the field after leaving with an elbow injury. Although running back LaMichael James just fumbled, spoiling a promising 49ers drive, Davis is having a terrific first two quarters.
Quarterback Colin Kaepernick is leaning heavily on Davis, who has a big advantage against Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, and Davis already has three catches for 64 yards. His season-high on receptions is six in a Week 11 win against the Chicago Bears.
The product: Toyota RAV4
The premise: A purple-clad genie (Kaley Cuoco from “The Big Bang Theory”) grants wishes to each member of a family.
The punchline: … but she’s not so good at it. When a dad wishes for his spare tire to go away, she gets rid of the one on the car, not his waistline. True to her ditzy character on her show, she misinterprets all of the wishes.
The verdict: Another one that may not rate well among female viewers. The genie, with her chihuahua in a matching outfit, comes across as Elle Woods in “Legally Blonde” — just a big dumb blonde joke. But points for using the truly great Skee-Lo song “I Wish.”
The Ravens held a four-point edge on the scoreboard and a slight advantage on the stats sheet:
The Ravens managed 82 yards of offense, compared with the 49ers’ 65.
Joe Flacco was 6 of 9 passing for 77 yards and a touchdown, while Colin Kaepernick was 2 for 4 for 43 yards. Flacco has spread the ball to four different receivers, while Kaepernick hit Vernon Davis once and Michael Crabtree once.
Ray Rice has 10 yards on five carries for the Baltimore. Both Kaepernick and Frank Gore posted 16 rushing yards for San Francisco.
Joe Flacco is displaying his own mobility and is so far outplaying San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick, but otherwise, the 49ers seem to have grabbed the momentum. Baltimore safety Ed Reed has an injured leg, and linebacker Ray Lewis had a poor first quarter. Meanwhile, San Francisco bounced back from a bad first drive and defensive series. Although the 49ers had to settle for only a field goal, finally getting to Flacco for the third-down sack, forcing Baltimore to punt.
The product: Oreos
The premise: Two guys in a library have a debate about which part of an Oreo is the best — the cookie or the cream?
The punchline: …And the entire library joins in, whispering as they tip shelves, throw each other over balconies, and cause general mayhem.
The verdict: Cream if you’re eating the Oreo dry, cookie if you have milk to dunk it in.
The product: Best Buy’s electronics
The premise: Amy Poehler, shopping for electronics. She has many questions for that helpful young Best Buy employee.
The punchline: …Questions like, “What’s LTE, is it contagious?” “Can I use a dongle with this?” “Does it make you uncomfortable when I use the word dongle?”
The verdict: Amy Poehler is a goddess. P.S.: The definition of “dongle,” in case you were wondering.
Baltimore safety Ed Reed and 49ers tight end Vernon Davis collided with each other on San Francisco’s last possession and both appear to be feeling the effects.
Trainers were looking at Davis’s elbow on the sidelines. His return is probable.
Reed, meanwhile, could be seen heading into the locker room with an apparent leg injury.
UPDATE: Reed has returned to the sidelines.
The product: Pepsi Next
The premise: Parents come home early to their son throwing a huge rager. Things are so wild and crazy that a kid has even been duct-taped to the ceiling.
The punchline: But there’s no underage drinking here! Just good, clean, soft drink fun.
The verdict: Definitely the only time in the history of parenting that the line, “But mom, we’re only drinking Pepsi!” has ever succeeded.
The product: Doritos
The premise: A man buys a Doritos-eating goat. Turns out, the goat REALLY likes Doritos — and things get ugly when they run out of chips.
The punchline: What is likely to be the best fake scream of the night.
The verdict: Goats are known to eat almost anything — I once watched one attempt to chew on some wires underneath a truck — so pairing them up for a commercial doesn’t really say much about Doritos’ flavor or their palates.
San Francisco rolled down the field and got within sniffing distance of the end zone but were unable to punch in their first touchdown. David Akers hit a 36-yard field goal with 3:58 remaining in the opening quarter, cutting Baltimore’s lead to 7-3.
On second down, Colin Kaepernick had a great opportunity to find the end zone. He stepped up in the pocket and had a pair of receivers open in the end zone but threw just a bit too high for Michael Crabtree. Then on third down Kaepernick was sacked by Paul Kruger for a 10-yard loss.
The product: Go Daddy
The premise: As spokesperson Danica Patrick explains, Go Daddy is both sexy (represented by model and Leonardo DiCaprio ex-girlfriend Bar Rafaeli) and smart (represented by some nerd named Walter).
The punchline: They kiss. A lot. It makes sloppy wet noises. Cue the theme song from “Revenge of the Nerds.”
The verdict: This commercial objectifies women and makes fun of unattractive people. Just another day at the Go Daddy marketing headquarters.
The 49ers’ opponents have found their way on the scoreboard first in each of the past five games. San Francisco came back to win four of those. Needless to say, the 49ers aren’t going to get too discouraged that Baltimore scored first here.
They’re moving the ball well right now, through the air and on the ground.
Colin Kaepernick hit Vernon Davis for a 24-yard line to put the 49ers on the Baltimore 8-yard line, setting up first and goal.
The product: Audi
The premise: A teenage boy who is totally cute and would not likely go to prom alone in real life nevertheless finds himself going to prom alone. His dad tosses him the keys to an Audi, and it gives him a sudden boost of confidence.
The punchline: …So he grabs the prom queen and makes out with her (kind of forcefully, I might add — almost as if he’s entitled to her, which is problematic). Even after he gets punched in the face, his smile as he drives away says, “Totally worth it.”
The verdict: They might as well have just titled this commercial “#YOLO.”
So as rattled as the 49ers look on both sides of the ball, the Ravens seem like they’re playing in just any old game. On their first drive, which just ended with a terrific touchdown pass from Joe Flacco to Anquan Boldin, Baltimore introduced San Francisco to running back Ray Rice, and then Flacco took advantage using play-action.
The interesting thing, though, is that the 49ers following a mistake-filled possession with another mistake-field defensive series. An offsides penalty and a blown coverage on a 20-yard pass to Torrey Smith, let Flacco and the Ravens get in an early groove.
The product: M&Ms
The premise: The lovestruck red M&M sings Meat Loaf’s classic “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”
The punchline: What won’t he do? Be put on an oven, on top of a cake, or anything else that would lead to munching.
The verdict: Save your M&M snacking for the third quarter.
Only watching the Super Bowl for the commercials? Check out our player with many of tonight’s funniest ads.
The product: Budweiser Black Crown
The premise: In summary: We have a fancy new beer.
The punchline: See, you can tell it’s a fancy beer, because there’s a whole room full of fancy people drinking it.
The verdict: Super Bowl ads are off to a slow start with this one.
The 49ers had two weeks to think about their first play. It’s safe to say Super Bowl XXVII didn’t start the way Jim Harbaugh hoped. Colin Kaepernick threw what appeared to be a first-down pass to Vernon Davis, but it was negated by an illegal formation penalty against San Francisco. It’s crazy to think that first play was scripted and the offense messed up the most basic thing.
The 49ers eventually had to punt on their first possession.
Alicia Keys breaks Bleeding Gums Murphy’s unofficial longest national anthem record set before the Isotopes game with Dancin’ Homer.
— Jason Wilde (@jasonjwilde) February 3, 2013
Plenty of “awwws” on Twitter for the Sandy Hook chorus, who sang “America the Beautiful” with Jennifer Hudson before the game.
Sandy hook elementary school chorus? I’m crying my eyes out.
— alex guarnaschelli (@guarnaschelli) February 3, 2013
With Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson among the celebrity performers tonight, the lineup mimics that of inauguration: Hudson and Keys performed for the president at the official ball, and everyone remembers Beyonce’s controversial National Anthem at the swearing-in.
Ray Lewis, in his last game after 17 years with the Baltimore Ravens, seems to have gone all-in with the face paint. (Kinda makes a person lament not buying stock in a face-paint company.)
One can only hope this stuff is waterproof.
Meanwhile, the puppies predict the San Francisco 49ers will ruin Lewis’s finale and, only one member of CBS’s broadcast panel picked the Ravens to win. That would be former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher.
The puppies are predicting a win for the 49ers:
The Post went behind the scenes for today’s other big game, where there were hedgehog cheerleaders, kittens under the influence of performance-enhancing drugs (catnip), and a different type of personal foul on the field. Read it here.
Their demeanor seemed to indicate that, after all hype and the joint press conference Friday, being on the field less than two hours before Super Bowl XLVII was a little, well, odd.
Jim Harbaugh and John Harbaugh approached each other and shook hands. John, the elder by 15 months, pulled Jim in for a few private words. They shook hands again and were off. It would have been utterly cool if they’d yelled, together, their father’s mantra: “Who’s got it better than us? Nooooooobody!”
The last time their teams met, on Thanksgiving 2011, John’s Baltimore Ravens won 16-6, by the way.
(In other pregame minutiae, Ray Lewis was wearing a sequined tie and John Harbaugh’s young daughter was wearing eye black.)
Jack and Jackie Harbaugh have arrived at Super Bowl XLVII because, it seems, they had a little something to do with the head coaches of the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens.
They seem relaxed and happy — and are dressed about as neutrally as parents possibly could be.
Wanna win the “What are the Harbaugh parents wearing” prop bet? Here’s a picture of them at Super Bowl:yfrog.com/obqs6jp
— Will Brinson (@willbrinson) February 3, 2013
Jackie Harbaugh was asked by CBS’s James Brown what her sons were thinking. She had an emphatic response: “I think they’re both extremely excited, however, they are concentrating on the first play of the game.”
Jack Harbaugh: “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
You do not mess with the bottled-beverage industry.
SodaStream’s ad taking a poke at twin beverage bears Coke and Pepsi was deemed unsuitable for the Super Bowl XLVII broadcast, most likely because the companies are far, far bigger sponsors than SodaStream. Here’s the rejected ad:
And the revised version that SodaStream came up with:
On the eve of Super Bowl XLVII, two Jersey guys who happen to have gone to the University of Delaware got together for a few moments.
One happens to be Chris Christie, the governor of the state. The other happens to be Joe Flacco, the quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens.
There are no details on what the two might have discussed in their meeting, which was reported by ESPN. Perhaps Christie took issue with Flacco’s opposition to next year’s outdoor Super Bowl in New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium.
This will be, barring some sort of Brett Favre-ian change of heart, the final NFL game for Ray Lewis.
Teams, not players, will be introduced at Super Bowl XLVII and that means that Lewis isn’t likely to do one final version of his squirrel dance. Of course, he still could do it on the sideline, just before he pumps up his teammates with a few inspirational words. That might be weird and distracting, though.
Ray Lewis won’t get to do “Last Dance” for Super Bowl pre-game intros. Player intros still extinct for game. But who needs intro to dance?
— Chris Mortensen (@mortreport) January 29, 2013
Maybe it’s just as well, after Kenan Thompson did his version of it on “Saturday Night Live” a week ago.
Meanwhile, check out Ray Lewis’s stylin’ footwear.
Ray Lewis’ Special Super Bowl Cleats Feature Linebacker’s Career Highlights on Insoles (Photos) wp.me/p2AlCJ-yjN
— NESN (@NESN) February 3, 2013
These are actually his insoles:
— USA TODAY Sports (@USATODAYsports) February 3, 2013