The uniforms that athletes representing the United States will wear in the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics next month in Sochi have been unveiled and, um, can they be re-veiled?

That’s the immediate, general reaction to the clothing, which debuted on “Today.”

Even America’s finest physical specimens may have a tough time making these look good.

The duds, er, togs, were designed by Ralph Lauren and were made in the United States. The wool, from Oregon, was spun in Pennsylvania and North Carolina and knit by your grandma in California, USA Today reports.

Julie Chu, a member of the hockey team, interpreted the design for USA Today.

“What I really enjoy when [I] look at it is I can see the patriotic spirit. When everyone’s wearing it together, it makes a bold statement.”

That it does.

You, too, can make a bold statement: the cardigan with stars goes for $598, the cotton turtleneck sweater is, the fleece athletic pants bearing the “Team USA” label are a steal at $165, the black leather boots with red laces are $395 and the reindeer hat is $95. Proceeds go to the U.S. Olympic Committee.