(Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)

Retired baseball player Johnny Damon has never been known for his brainpower, so one should probably not be surprised that when Damon shows off his 30,000-square-foot Florida mansion on the MLB Web program “Home Field Advantage,” the first thing he does is bang on a drum set like a toddler. But it’s adorable, just like the rest of the clip.

Perhaps the best, most classically Johnny Damon aspect of this video is when he said, “Home to me is something that’s livable.” Pure poetry. “I definitely want people to know that my house was made to be fun,” he continued, before showing off such fun things as a ping pong table, musical instruments and, whoa! Is that a beach volleyball court?! Maybe it’s just a big sandbox. My 4-year-old nephew would love that.

And of course, Damon keeps his fair share of baseball memorabilia in his home, including a pair of his cleats “filled with Swarovski crystals.” Um, what? No, really, what did he say? He mangled the word Swarovski the same way a toddler pronounces “spaghetti” as “pasketti.” Awww… how cute!

Damon also showed off a slightly altered “milk photograph” (he means advertisement) that he was in. “They kind of shrunk me in here, so everyone thought I was this skinny and they can pick on me, but obviously, I’m pretty, uh, ripped up.” Definitely the most ripped toddler I’ve ever seen.

(H/t: NESN)