Don’t mow this. (Tom Gannam/Associated Press)

The whole point of ponying up for the artificial grass called FieldTurf is that it requires very little maintenance. According to the company’s manual, there are just four simple maintenance tasks that FieldTurf requires, which can be recalled by using the acronym BARS: brushing, aerating, raking and sweeping. Note that the acronym is not MARS, with the first letter standing for “mowing.” Under no circumstances should FieldTurf, or any synthetic grass — which, hello, does not grow — be mowed.


D’oh! There’s one field that will need some new sections. If the school contracted out for that landscaping job, then one can only imagine that the replacements will be purchased on that company’s dime.

According to the Twitter user, Tom Fink, “the field is in maryland & they mowed a good chunk of it.” Presumably, there was nothing artificial about the anger that must have been directed at the crew that couldn’t tell it wasn’t on real grass.