Fortify your arteries, Texas Rangers fans. No longer do you have to wait for the State Fair to come around once a year to eat such delicacies as deep-fried Oreos and chicken-fried corn on the cob. Thanks to the culinary mind of Shawn Mattox, the team’s general manager of food operations, Rangers fans can work their way up to a full heart attack at each and every game this year.
Along with specialties like the “Fried S’mOreo,” a deep-fried skewer of marshmallows breaded with graham crackers sandwiched between two Oreo cookies and topped with chocolate sauce and Cool Whip, the stand will churn out classics, including fried pickles and funnel cake fries.
“Fried items in the past haven’t done as well as we’ve hoped, and we think that’s because there hasn’t been one location to find it,” Mattox told ESPN. “We’ve now solved that problem.”
ESPN’s “Around the Horn” panel had some fun with the breaking food news on Wednesday, too.
“Mmm. That’s not bad,” said panelist Tim Cowlishaw quite seriously about the S’mOreo. Of course, Cowlishaw lives in the area and writes for the Dallas Morning News.
Panelist Pablo Torre was a bit more confused by the foodstuffs. When told the corn on the cob would be deep fried in buttermilk, he asked, “How does that work? Does the fried-ness stick to the kernels?”
Host Tony Reali had an answer ready.
“Here’s how it works: It clogs the artery to the major valve, the heart, and strikes you dead immediately,” he said.
Even more harmful to your health — but possibly twice as delicious — is the other new foodstand the Rangers plan to debut this season. Called “Just Bacon,” the stand is everything your pork-loving heart could imagine. We’re talking all-bacon everything, from bacon cotton candy to bacon beer. Mmm … bacon beer.
“Bacon has been trending for a long time now, but the popularity hasn’t died down,” Mattox told ESPN.
Hopefully the eaters of such delicacies won’t either.*
*I’m not gonna lie, I’d eat everything mentioned here. Even bacon cotton candy.