Do you have a dachshund? Is he or she fast? Does it matter? If you answered yes to the first question, it's time to up the Science Diet in preparation for Saturday's Wiener 500 Dachshund Dash.

The stylish hat is only going to slow you down, buddy. (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

Your racing dachshund will attempt to outpace other dachshunds on Woodrow Wilson Plaza, with $300 in prizes at stake. All it takes to qualify is a dream, a training montage and a $20 entry fee, which will be donated to the Washington Humane Society. Register in advance, because the field is capped at 96 dachshunds. And no, don't try to disguise your Greyhound in a dachshund outfit, because that never works.

If watching a bunch of dogs compete on a 50-foot astroturf course isn't entertaining enough, beer and food will be available during the event, which lasts from 1 to 4 p.m.