The D.C. State Fair is becoming a little less Petworth and a little more Portlandia.
The fair, which started in 2010 to showcase D.C.'s home growing/baking/crafting talent, will take place Sept. 20 at Old City Farm & Guild on Rhode Island Avenue. There, the District's picklers, knitters and gardeners will convene for a veritable Pinterest board of categories: "Funkiest looking vegetable." "Jam & jelly contest." There's even a contest for "Hats for newborns."
But it was this year's addition of "Mason jar flower arrangements," using the kitchen apparatus that has become a cliche hipster punchline, that tipped the contest from twee homemaking to "Wait, is Fred Armisen hosting this thing?" Among the rules:
• Your flowers must be grown in the District of Columbia. "This time of year is the peak of flower season in the District, so contestants should have no issue putting together a beautiful bouquet of flowers grown in D.C," notes a blog post with tips for the category. "Flowers like dahlias, sweet autumn clematis, celosias, sedum, black eyed Susans, sunflowers, and marigolds are flowering right now in D.C."
• Your Mason jar must be decorated. "[P]eruse Pinterest for countless ideas."
• "No floral foam, please."
So, go forage your artisanal flowers to lovingly arrange in your vintage Mason jar because OBVIOUSLY it is NO ISSUE, and it's not like you don't already have a Mason jar mood board with like 70 pins already, right? RIGHT??
Or, you can add to our list of contests and activities that would truly represent D.C.'s handicrafts and state pastimes, below.
Categories and activities we'd like to see in the D.C. State Fair:
Bobbing for half-smokes (in a vat of chili)
Food truck taco Instagramming
Henry Rollins lookalike contest
The Uber hail-off
Miss/Mr. Shadow Senator D.C. pageant ("Grand prize: One full non-voting term in Congress")
"Most impressive handlebar mustache being sustainably reused as a bird’s nest" contest
The name-dropping derby
Trader Joe's cheese plate showdown
Streetcar track obstacle course