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The day we ate frozen In-N-Out and were filled with despair

In an A++ publicity stunt, food delivery app OrderAhead made its debut in the District with a splash: It promised to bring beloved In-N-Out burgers from the West Coast to D.C. Usually, the app delivers food from local restaurants like Ping Pong Dim Sum, Matchbox and Teaism, but -- just like an Animal Style burger -- this was a special for those in the know. (Unlike the chain's not-so-secret menu, it was also a one-day-only offering.) Given the brand's rabid following and total scarcity in this part of the country, it's no surprise that these burgers, $15 apiece, sold out within 30 minutes, reported Eater. The only catch? They were frozen.

A frozen In-N-Out burger, of course, is a mere shadow of the original. When ours arrived, they looked about as good as a frozen burger can possibly look:

For the sake of journalism and science, we followed the instructions to the letter, thawing out the burger, microwaving it on high until the cheese began to run, and then popping the buns in a toaster.

When we reassembled the burger and added the provided sauce, it pretty much looked like it had been dropped from a 10-story building.

We ate it anyway. It was ... squishy. About one bite in, to our horror, we discovered sodden lettuce, tomato and pickles hidden inside, which had been frozen, thawed, and reheated. ABORT MISSION. We scraped all of that yuck out of our burger, in hopes that it could be salvaged. (Spoiler: It could not.)

In conclusion: No matter how much you Best Coast expatriates think you miss In-N-Out, you do not miss it enough to eat this frozen burger.