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7-Eleven’s new Slurpee doughnut is totally bonkers

7-Eleven's Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut. (Becky Krystal/The Washington Post)
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Batman versus Superman? Pshaw.

Everyone's talking about the clash of comic-book titans premiering this weekend, but there's an even more crazy showdown playing out at 7-Eleven stores nationwide: The Wild Cherry Slurpee vs. the Wild Cherry Slurpee doughnut. Take your corners.

(Cue Hans Zimmer score.)

Last week, the convenience store chain rolled out a doughnut inspired by its slushy drink. You have to kind of admire the reckless stoner abandon of the concept, which, at least compared to Starbucks's recent un-ironic attempt to salute cherry blossom season with a strawberry-flavored drink, clearly doesn't take itself too seriously.

We, however, decided to take a (not so) serious approach to compare these two brothers from another mother. Does the doughnut taste like the Slurpee? Does the Slurpee taste like the doughnut? What does Wild Cherry taste like anyway? What does it all mean?

Our tale of the tape:

Price

The doughnut is 99 cents. A medium (22 ounces) Slurpee is $1.49. But, you guys, you can get them BOTH for $2.

Color

They are both so, so red. Red Wedding red. So it's a tie, though somehow the doughnut manages to be brown on the outside and pink on the inside. Because physics.

Staining power

Mmmmmm, tough call. My tongue and fingers may never return to their natural tint, but advantage goes to the doughnut. Merely touching the icing left my fingertips stained even though I wiped it off immediately. Scary.

Sweetness

Slurpee, game, set match (and, no, I'm not going to apologize for mixing sports metaphors).

Overall flavor

Depends whether we're talking about least or most offensive. The doughnut sans icing is acceptable, as far as 7-Eleven pastry expectations go. Taken as a whole, though, the doughnut and Slurpee both boast a certain eau de Robitussin. The doughnut icing is particularly antiseptic. Advantage, uh, Slurpee?

Related items:

The new Starbucks Cherry Blossom Frappuccino is made with strawberries

It's cherry blossom season, so celebrate with these food and drink specials

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