It’s official: Turnips are the cats of the Internet vegetable world.
Thank you, gentlemen. Your contributions to society cannot be overstated.
In the same way that even people who profess their undying hatred of felines can appreciate a good cat video, turnips are good for a laugh even if you hate consuming them. Look, even PhD-level veggie enthusiasts are allowed to find turnips detestable. You can’t put them in soup because their flavor overwhelms everything else. You can drown them in butter and cream and whip them with an immersion blender. You can cover them in cheese and make a gratin. They may look just as inviting as potatoes — until you have a spoonful and realize you’ve subjected yourself to the slightly bitter, slightly licorice-flavored disappointment that comes with a mouthful of some turnip-based Epicurean monstrosity.
Anyway, back to turnips and Dirty South rap: As a result of the prevalence of turn up, getting turnt up, getting all the way turnt up, i.e. crunk (for a thorough breakdown, see Brittney Cooper’s “Ontology of CRUNK” over at Crunk Feminist Collective), we have been blessed with an enormity of turnip memes.
Party starts at 8pm over at Lemketkai Parking Lot D!! #Kagayan2014 #smartkagayan #thezombettes #turnipforwhat
TURNiP slut. Lol #TURNIPforwhat View on Instagram
Well, Internet, you can stop now, because Michelle Obama just won. Obama participated in a White House Q&A on Vine Tuesday, using the hashtag #AskTheFirstLady, to promote her Let’s Move campaign. A President Obama impersonator asked: “Here’s a question for the first lady: On average, how many calories do you burn every time you turn up?”
To which the first lady replied:
Turnip for what, indeed. Somewhere, Lil Jon is chortling triumphantly over a cup of crunk juice.