Every now and then, North Korea draws forth from its cocoon of obscurity to bestow upon the Internet gifts of absurdity. Kim Jong Un has laughed and tittered at a giant lube machine. Dad Kim Jong Il spent many days of his tenure atop the hermit country looking at things. And now we have this.

On Thursday, North Korea released an amazingly eclectic and diverse list of 310 new political slogans to commemorate its 70th anniversary that ran the gamut from encouraging North Korea to become a new land of mushrooms – because of course – to encouraging marital bliss and “more stylish school uniforms.”

The slogans had all the emotions covered. They were encouraging. They were heartfelt. They were bellicose. Threatening. Whimsical, even. And everything was all exclamation points, all the time. According to reports in Reuters and Agence France-Presse, they are translated as follows:

“Let the wives of officers become dependable assistants to their husbands!”

“Let us turn the whole country into a socialist fairyland by the joint operation of the army and people!”

“Let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms!”

“Grow vegetables extensively in greenhouses!”

Let it be known that North Korea has many plans, and those plans are emphatic: “Make fruits cascade down and their sweet aroma fill the air on the sea of apple trees at the foot of Chol Pass!”

Yes! North Korea! Go!

The slogans weren’t, however, just about never-never land. They also got gritty when it came to South Korea and the imperialist United States, as Reuters explained: “Should the enemy dare to invade our country, annihilate them to the last man so that none of them will survive to sign the instrument of surrender!”

But then, out of nowhere, NoKo took a different route, according to the Korea Herald: “It is a long-cherished desire of all the fellow countrymen and an urgent task of the nation to put an end to the tragedy of national division that has lasted 70 years!”

And, because why not, this one: “Play sports games in an offensive way!”

North Korea held a cooking contest at a restaurant in Pyongyang to commemorate the 73rd birthday of its late leader Kim Jong Il. (Reuters)